


One More Night

by Wheredreamsaremade123



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bellarke, F/F, F/M, M/M, POV Alternating, bellarke AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-23
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2020-01-25 13:58:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 36,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18575884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wheredreamsaremade123/pseuds/Wheredreamsaremade123
Summary: They met when she was just a young aspiring actress and he was a star on the rise. Her first impression was that he was arrogant and mean. His was that she was spoiled and entitled. It was hate at first sight. Through the years they both would learn that everything is not always what it seems.Actors AU with many pairings, but centered around the best one. (or your classic 'enemies' to 'friends with benefits' to 'it's complicated' story)





	1. It's A Mighty Long Road

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! I've been working on this fic for a while and finally decided to post it in honor of season 6 coming out in a week!! I'm so excited! Let me know if I should continue posting this in the comments :) I hope you enjoy!

It all started with the first project they worked on together. Clarke was fresh out of drama school, trying out her luck as a young actress on the ruthless battlefield that is Hollywood.  Bellamy, a couple years older, was already a known actor, but still hadn't had his big breakthrough that would make him a real movie star.

The movie was called ‘The Ark’ and it was about the world ending and a group of people being shot up in the space in a ship in order to survive and then come back to Earth years later. Bellamy was one of the stars in the movie while Clarke got a minor role, but they still had to do a few scenes together. The movie wasn't a huge success, but it was still enough to give Clarke a little nudge in the right direction, opening some important doors for her.

Clarke will always remember that day on set of ‘The Ark’ when she had decided she would hate Bellamy Blake until the day she died.

They were due to film a scene outside and it was just the two of them. The weather was really bad. It had rained all day and there was mud everywhere, making it hard to walk, let alone do stunts which Clarke was supposed to do that day.

She really struggled with the stunts and they had to film the scene what seemed like hundreds of times. She noticed Bellamy getting angry at her by the end, which she considered extremely unprofessional, especially because it wasn't her fault at all that she wasn't able to do the stunts in the first few tries. It's not like she was able to control the weather.

It was really late when they finally got it right and they were both exhausted. Clarke had just entered her trailer to change out of her dirty clothes when she heard a knock on her door. When she opened it, she found Bellamy standing in front of her. They didn't communicate much outside work until they had to do the scene together so Clarke was unpleasantly surprised when Bellamy started shouting at her.

“Your acting today was very shitty,” he snapped at her, entering the trailer and slamming the door behind him without warning.

“Excuse me?” Clarke raised her eyebrows, crossing her arms over her chest. Until today, she had had a certain amount of respect for him, with him being more successful than her, but that respect had been evaporating since she started seeing his true colors.

“I’ve been acting for 5 years and until today, it hasn’t taken me this long to get a scene right. I had expected to be home hours before this. And it’s all your fault! You’re the one who kept screwing up! We have two more scenes to do together so I came here hoping to talk some sense to you because I don’t think I can endure any more of this. You better improve your acting skills until the next time we have to work together.”

He spoke like she was beneath him and like he had every right to undermine her like that. She wasn’t going to let him speak to her that way.

“How do you think any of this is my fault? Have you seen the weather today? There’s mud everywhere! I’ve slipped 10 times before getting that jump right! I almost broke my leg!” She was now shouting as well, feeling the heat rushing to her cheeks. She wasn’t the type of person who got angry easily, but this asshole pushed her buttons and she wasn’t going to let him have it.

“How dare you blame my acting skills for that? I don’t know who you think you are, but you definitely don’t have the right to speak to me like that and criticize my acting for no apparent reason.”

“Who do I think I am? I’ve been in this business far longer than you and you’re saying I’m not allowed to point out what you did wrong? Who do you think you are?” Bellamy pointed a finger at her. “You think you’re better than me just because your parents are Jake and Abby Griffin? That must be how you got this part as well. Because I doubt anyone in their right mind would choose you for a part in this movie. Did daddy pull some strings and got his little princess a job? She didn’t know what else to do so she decided to try out acting? Which she sucks at, by the way!”

As he was talking, Bellamy moved closer to her and he was now screaming at her just a few inches apart from her face. Before Clarke even thought about it, she raised her hand and smacked him across the right cheek, leaving a trail of red on his skin.

 “You do not get to make such assumptions about me. I got to where I am with only my hard work and never have I asked anyone to pull any strings for me. Just because you know who my parents are doesn’t mean you know everything about me. Now get out.”

Her words were quiet, but they cut like knives. The one thing she was bothered by the most was people thinking she had privileges because of her parents. Her parents owned one of the biggest pharmaceutical company in the state and because of the amount of charity work they did, most of the people in Los Angeles knew who they were.

Clarke didn’t like to be tied to them in public, not because they weren’t good people, but because of the reputation she made by being their daughter. Everyone thought that her parents had something to do with her becoming an actress and becoming successful while in fact, it was a result of years of hard work and sacrifice.

And when Bellamy dared to mention her parents, she had lost it. She was aware of the fact that she had slapped a rising star and he could ruin her for it, but she didn’t care. In that moment she was ready to slap him again had he said another wrong thing.

His dark eyes had become even darker with rage. Clarke felt as his stare might burn a hole through her, but she didn’t break his gaze.

“I hope we never have to work again after this,” he snarled before turning around to storm out of her trailer.

“Right back at you!” She screamed at him before the door closed.

 

* * *

 

 

But they did. Not even a year had passed until they were cast together for a movie again. And this time, they were co-starring in a romantic comedy called ‘I’ve got you’. It was Clarke’s worst nightmare. She clearly couldn’t refuse the part because that was her one chance in making her breakthrough. If the movie turned out to be successful, both her and Bellamy would gain much more respect and credibility in the movie industry.

So she had to suck it up and pretend there wasn’t any animosity between them. Surprisingly, they had worked perfectly together and it didn’t take them long to get the scenes right this time. The directors were actually thrilled to see how well they fit together on set and Clarke kind of feared that wasn’t their last mutual project.

But when they were away from the cameras, everything was different. They bickered over the smallest of things and everyone noticed it.

Clarke’s manager Roan Frost was quick to point it out to her at their next dinner together.

“You two seriously need to work on fixing your relationship. Premiers are starting soon and photo shoots and everything and you are going to have to get along with Blake. Or at least make it seem like you get along,” Roan stated, popping a piece of pasta into his mouth.

“I know. We have to be professionals. But he’s so infuriating,” Clarke groaned, taking a bigger sip of wine than usual. “He thinks he’s better than me while he’s really a huge dickhead.”

“He might be a dickhead, but he’s also your co-star. And don’t forget you currently need him in order to succeed. We’ve already talked about this, Griffin. Do you have any idea of how many people I’ve heard talking about the amazing chemistry you two have? You can’t expect that you won’t have to work with him in the future. And that’s why you have to work out your issues with him.”

Clarke stared at Roan for a long time, feeling defeated. He’d been in this business for over a decade, he was excellent in his job and he knew very well what he was talking about. She knew he was making sense and she ought to listen to him, but pretending to be on good terms with Bellamy Blake seemed like mission impossible.

“I know,” she sighed. “Why do you always have to be so right?” She smiled at him. Roan had been her manager from the very beginning of her career and over the years he’d become her good friend. At times, he was a little tough and strict, but it didn’t take Clarke long to realize that his approach was often the boost she needed.

And when they got used to working with each other, they both relaxed and became much more than a manager and a client. Although there were rumors about their relationship being more than just friendly, none of them had ever tried to make a move on the other one. Clarke couldn’t deny Roan wasn’t attractive. He was extremely handsome and had lots of women pining over him, but she had never considered him more than a friend.

“It’s my job,” Roan smirked. “I’m the one who’s always saving your ass. And I’m the one who’s going to…”

“Make me a superstar. I know, I know. We’ve been through this more than once,” Clarke rolled her eyes.

“Okay then. I’m glad we’ve got that settled,” Roan took a sip of his whiskey. Clarke would never understand his ability to drink whiskey with any meal or in any time of day.

“I’m sure Blake had this exact same conversation with his new manager. So you two should look just fine together when it’s time to promote your cute little project,” he added.

“Bellamy has a new manager?” Clarke raised her eyebrows. How did she not hear about this before?

“You haven’t heard?” Roan swallowed his food, sounding genuinely surprised. “And it’s not just any manager. It’s Raven fucking Reyes.”

Clarke almost choked on her chicken alfredo. “Raven Reyes?? How the hell did he manage to get her?”

The man across from her shrugged, reaching for his glass of water for a change. “Some people say they’re sleeping together. But I doubt it. I’ve told you a year ago that Blake will soon be bigger than you think. And you didn’t believe me.”

“Yeah but hiring Raven Reyes??” Clarke dropped her fork and hit the table with her hands a little too hard. She was in utter disbelief.

“She’s huge! She’s one of the youngest and most popular managers! Everybody wants her! She’s responsible for launching some of the hottest stars on the scene right now. She introduced Lexa to the world! And John Murphy too!”

Roan listened to her excited rant with an amused look on his face. “Thank you, Clarke, for listing all of the facts I’m very familiar with.”

The blonde ignored his statement. She crossed her arms over her chest and leaned back in her chair, staring blankly in front of her.

“I can’t believe that bastard managed to hire Raven Reyes! Maybe I should sleep with her,” she frowned. “That wouldn’t be so bad at all. She’s hot.”

“Hey!” Roan sounded offended. “So you’re willing to just throw me, your loyal and very capable manager, away like an old rag?”

“Of course not, Roan. I’m sorry,” Clarke finally snapped out of the trance she was in and looked at her friend apologetically. “You’re the best and I wouldn’t trade you for anyone,” she reached across the table and touched his hand to emphasize how much she appreciated him.

“Fine, you’re forgiven,” he grunted. “But I can’t fight you over the fact that Reyes is hot. Very hot, in fact,” a smug smirk appeared on his face.

“Oooh, does somebody have a crush?” Clarke teased, finishing her glass of wine and reaching for the bottle to pour herself some more. It was Friday night and for once she had the weekend off so she was allowed to let loose a bit.

“I don’t do crushes,” Roan pouted. “Besides, she’s way too sassy and brazen for me. I don’t get involved with women like her.”

“Right, because you like when women swoon as soon as you buy them a few drinks and throw a few compliments their way. You expect them to fall under your spell as soon as you wiggle that cute butt in front of them.”

Clarke loved Roan, she really did, but even she couldn’t deny his womanizing tendencies. He was one of the biggest ladies’ men she had ever encountered. He liked to flirt and seduce women, making it clear for them he doesn’t want anything more from them than purely physical relationship. He didn’t like talking much about his past or his love life, but from what she had gathered, he hasn’t had many serious relationships and he was already in his mid-thirties.

“First of all, that is not of your business,” Roan said, giving her the exact same reaction she’d expected from him. “And second of all, cute is not a right adjective while describing my butt.”

The blonde sitting across from him burst into a fit of laughter. “Whatever you say, Mr. Frost,” she said.

 

* * *

 

 

Bellamy was sprawled on his large bed, filling the space previously occupied by the woman who was now walking up and down his bedroom, searching for her clothes.

“I think it’s time we stop with this. The press are already spreading rumors about us hooking up and we haven’t even announced yet that I’m your new manager,” Raven said, retrieving her bra from the foot of the bed and putting it on in a few swift movements.

“They’re always spreading rumors about me hooking up with someone. I don’t care,” he watched her with his hands folded behind his head with a satisfied look on his face. “You shouldn’t either.”

“The difference between you and me is that the rumors about you are mostly true,” she sassed him, buttoning up her jeans.

“And I can’t not care because these rumors, if proven true, could seriously jeopardize my career. I could lose my good reputation because of a few nights of casual, meaningless sex,” she sat down on the bed next to him.

“Good casual, meaningless sex,” Bellamy added, making Raven let out a chuckle. “Besides, there isn’t a lot of stuff out there that could jeopardize your career. You’re a freaking badass. And I managed to snatch you,” he smirked, proud of himself.

He earned himself a smack on the arm. “Stop being so self-absorbed or I’m going to have to reconsider your offer. I haven’t signed the contract yet, if you happened to forget,” she pointed a finger at him.

“You’re not going to bail on me. You like me too much.”

“There, you’re doing it again!” the brunette exclaimed.

“Okay, okay, I’m stopping now,” he laughed. “But in all seriousness, if you want for our relationship to be strictly professional, I’ll respect that. I won’t be happy about it, but I’ll respect it.”

“That’s what I like to hear,” she smiled, patting his bare leg.  “We’ll talk more about it when I won’t be in such a hurry,” she got up and started putting her long, dark hair up in a ponytail.

Bellamy followed her with his eyes as she gathered her things around the room. He was too lazy to get up, even though he knew he had meetings to attend later that day.

“Hey Rae, are we still on for getting hammered tonight with Miller, Murphy and Jackson?” He asked her when she was almost already at the door.

“Of course we are,” she flashed her white teeth at him, grabbing the door handle. “You know I’m always up for partying with my favorite boys.”

Bellamy had known Raven for far longer than it was known to the public. They met few years ago through John Murphy, their mutual friend and decided to be friends almost the same moment they were introduced to each other. They had matching personalities and had since get along very well. Though they hadn’t started sleeping together until a few months ago. They both feared they were entering a dangerous territory when they first started doing it, but surprisingly neither of them developed any romantic feelings for the other. Bellamy was incredibly grateful for that.

Their group had grown a little since the three of them started hanging out. Bellamy introduced them to his friend Miller who was a stuntman and Raven brought her friend Jackson, a medical student. It was obvious Miller and Jackson liked each other to everyone except the two of them. Neither of them had yet made a move so the rest of the group started developing a secret plan to make them admit their true feelings.

So far they’ve been quite successful in hiding their little clique from the paparazzi. If they felt like hanging out, they would meet up at someone’s house and if they wanted to go clubbing, they were extra careful in choosing the club. It had been working very well and Bellamy hoped they would stay friends forever. It was nice to have a group of people who represented escape from reality. He loved acting, he really did, but it got exhausting at times.

The buzzing of his phone from the nightstand interrupted Bellamy’s train of thought. He frowned when he saw Clarke Griffin had texted him. The screen was lit up with the nickname he gave her a while ago. He even had her memorized as “Princess” in his phone.

**Need to talk to you. You free today?**

What could Clarke Griffin possibly want from him? They’ve only been working on the new movie for a few days and have already managed to get into a number of fights. They fought over the stupidest things – the last quarrel they had happened because she accused him of sneaking into her dressing room and stealing her sandwich. She remembered minutes later that she had relocated the sandwich to the fridge shared by several cast members.

Bellamy almost replied he couldn’t meet her just to annoy her, but he was too curious and too eager to find out what she wanted. So he came up with a short answer instead.

**Come to Jonty** **’** **s at 6. Don** **’** **t be late.**


	2. I Will Never Understand The Power You Are Holding Over Me

Jonty’s was a nice little café owned by Jasper Jordan and Monty Green, two goofy and entertaining guys who happened to be surprisingly good at managing a business. Jonty’s had been Bellamy’s favorite place ever since he moved to L.A. It had a warm and cozy vibe and it was sort of “hidden” from the public in the alley that wasn’t busy at all. It was a place where Bellamy liked to go when he wanted to avoid herds of fans or annoying paparazzi.

Bellamy arrived to Jonty’s 10 minutes before 6 pm. He sat in the small booth in one corner of the café, sipping on his coffee and taking in his surroundings. He appreciated such moments of peace and quiet in the middle of his hectic days. He had just started nipping on his third macaroon when he saw Clarke approach his table, wearing tights, a large T-shirt and some ridiculous hat. He almost snorted at the sight of her. Like someone would recognize her in this place.

 

“I take the time from my very busy schedule because you ask me to and then I have to wait for you? That’s so typical of you, Princess.”

The words he said to her were a little mean, but there was no malice in his voice. Most of the mean things he said to her weren’t meant to hurt, but to annoy her. For some reason, he liked seeing her get all worked up and flushed over such stupid things.

“It’s 6:02, Bellamy,” she glared at him, already sounding irritated. “I’m literally two minutes late.”

“Two minutes is a precious amount of time to me. You better make this quick.”

She plopped down on a chair across from him and stole one of his macaroons. He looked like he might give her a slap on the wrist.

“Why am I here, Griffin?”

Clarke put both of her elbows on the table, chewing slowly. She seemed to have enjoyed stalling with Bellamy anxious to find out what she wanted.

“I want us to bury the hatchet,” she said. “Or at least pretend that we have buried the hatchet,” she added.

He stared at her with raised eyebrows. “And why is that?”

“Isn’t it obvious? We are freaking co-stars now, Blake. It’s expected of us to appear together in public and look like we get along. Do you think it’ll help our movie’s reputation if we scream at each other in front of the press?”

“A little tension is always welcome,” Bellamy said playfully, taking a sip of his coffee.

“No, it’s not. Not in our case,” Clarke snapped at him. “Look, I know you don’t like me and trust me, I like you even less. But for the sake of our careers, we have to try.”

“Yeah, I know,” he leaned back in his chair, looking defeated. “And I’m ashamed to admit that I’m not usually like that with my colleagues. I’m an extremely professional guy.”

Clarke snorted, but chose not to comment his ridiculous statement.

“But what can I say, Griffin… I guess you bring out the worst in me.”

“Right back at you.”

Clarke let out a big sigh after a few moments of awkward silence. “So we have a deal? You’ll try to behave?”

“Only if you do,” he smirked.

Clarke smiled, genuinely surprised that they had managed to agree on something for once. But her happiness evaporated as soon as she unlocked her buzzing phone and opened Roan’s text.

“What the fuck?” The words came out a lot louder than she intended and she had to turn around to check if anybody were staring at them.

“How did someone already managed to snap a picture of us?” Clarke showed Roan’s text to Bellamy, her face flushed with anger. “I just got here five minutes ago!”

Roan texted her a screenshot of an Instagram post, showing Clarke and Bellamy sitting at the table at Jonty’s. The caption said: ‘ _Spotted: Clarke Griffin and Bellamy Blake having a moment at Jonty’s. Looks like their secret fling is not so secret anymore_!’

Contrary to Clarke’s expectations, the smirk didn’t fade from Bellamy’s face. “Relax, Princess. I don’t understand why you’re so upset about the stupid photo.”

“Why are you not upset?” Clarke started freaking out. “Everyone’s going to think we’re together now!”

“So what? I don’t care,” he shrugged, finishing the last of his coffee and reaching for another macaroon.

“I care! I don’t want to be portrayed as one of your sluts! I’m trying to uphold a certain reputation which seems impossible when people see me with someone like you!”

This time, Bellamy seemed genuinely hurt. “With someone like me? Wow. I knew you didn’t like me, Clarke. But I didn’t think you loathed me that much that you couldn’t stand the idea of being seen with me.”

Clarke flinched when he called her by her real name. He’d never done that before. It was so unusual that she actually started regretting what she had said.

“No, Bellamy… I didn’t mean it like that…”

She started to explain, but he already got up from his seat.

“I have no problem with pretending to like you in public. But that’s all I’m ever going to do – pretend,” he snapped at her, failing at trying to hide the hurt in his eyes.

She stared at him, but couldn’t form a valid response at his attack.

He laughed bitterly, running a hand through his already messy hair. “And I actually thought we were making progress. I guess I was wrong,” he said to her and stormed off.

Clarke remained sitting for a while longer, completely dumbfounded. Never in her life did she think she would feel sorry for Bellamy Blake. And yet, there she was.

 

* * *

 

A few hours later, Bellamy entered Raven’s house in Beverly Hills with a strong urge to get drunk and forget the events of the afternoon.

He still felt angry with Clarke, but he was even angrier at himself. He couldn’t understand why he reacted so strongly at her words. He usually didn’t care when something like that happened, but somehow she always managed to hit the nerve.

He found his friends in the living room, already laughing loudly with drinks in their hands. Bellamy was the last one to arrive and he noticed the gang was already tipsy.

Murphy whooped when he saw him. “Yo, lover boy is here! Why didn’t you tell us about your new girlfriend, Blake?”

Bellamy shot Murphy an annoyed glare, plopping down on the couch and gladly accepting the beer which Raven handed him.

“Don’t tell me you believe that crap,” he took a big gulp, emptying half of the bottle.

“Someone’s in a good mood,” Raven said sarcastically.

“Seriously dude, what’s going on?” Miller asked, sounding both concerned and amused. As usual, he was sitting next to Jackson whose arm was casually stretched on the back of the couch behind Miller. Bellamy chose not to say anything, but a smirk spread across his face. It was about time.

“Are you really that upset about someone snapping a pic of you and Clarke Griffin?” Raven asked, getting up to fetch some more beers from the mini-fridge.

“I don’t care about the stupid photo. She’s the one who pissed me off,” he responded, not wanting to further elaborate his answer. “Now please, no more talking about that. I came here to drink, not to listen to you guys bitching.”

“Fine, Romeo, we’ll stop,” the brunette plopped down on the couch next to him and bumped her shoulder into his playfully. “Want to go clubbing tonight?”

Bellamy shrugged, downing the rest of his beer.

“Oh, we’re going,” Murphy responded instead of him.

“Is that because you told Emori you’d meet her at the Dropship?” Jackson teased, earning himself an angry glare from Murphy.

Bellamy leaned forward with an amused smirk, resting his elbows on his knees. For no particular reason, his friends’ love lives have always managed to catch his interest. And getting the opportunity to tease Murphy was an added bonus.

“Dude, I thought you said you two were just casually hanging out. Who’s lover boy now?” He crossed his arms on his chest, a smug grin spreading across his face.

Murphy threw a pillow at him, his face turning red. Over the years Bellamy’s known Murphy, he never had a real girlfriend. He was always tough and moody and kept saying he didn’t have time for relationships. He had been hanging out with Emori for about two months now and there was a chance he’d started to develop certain feelings for her.

“We aren’t exclusive, if that’s what you’re asking. Not that it’s any of your business.”

Bellamy glanced at Raven, who stayed silent during their little bickering session. She confessed to him one night after they got drunk that she had feelings for Murphy. She also threatened Bellamy, naturally, that she would cut off his balls if he told someone. It wasn’t very common to discuss your feelings for other people with the person you slept with, but then again, Raven and Bellamy never had a particularly conventional relationship.

Raven was doing alright trying to hide her jealousy, but Bellamy saw right through her – he knew her too well not to. Wanting to comfort her, he lightly squeezed her shoulder and moved his hand away quickly so no one would notice. She didn’t show any reaction, but from the way her tense shoulders relaxed a little, he could see that she appreciated the gesture.

Bellamy looked around, taking a better look at his friends. Odd little group, they were. Only five people and yet so many complicated relationships. When his head started to hurt from all the thinking, he reached for a fresh beer, hoping it would help rid his mind of unnecessary thoughts.

* * *

 

A few hours later, Bellamy was pushing his way through the crowd in the tightly packed Dropship. The Dropship was one of the most exclusive clubs in the entire city, reserved for celebrities and the elite. It was a well-secured venue to which the paparazzi had no access and a place to be if you were a V.I.P. who wanted to have some fun on a Friday night without being exposed.

It wasn’t very big and that was probably a reason why it was always crowded. There was a DJ booth in one corner and the speakers were pounding with the sound of loud techno music. The room was very hot and smelled of sweat, cigarettes and alcohol. Multicolored lights blinded Bellamy as he tried to find his booth with his friends in it. His head was spinning from the amount of alcohol he had consumed, but he didn’t feel sick. He felt a rush of energy overwhelming him and he was ready to party. All he needed to do was find his stupid friends, but he seemed to have lost his sense of direction when he left the bathroom.

When he finally spotted their booth, he noticed that Miller and Jackson were gone. Raven and Murphy, however, were sitting awfully close, their heads almost pressed together. It didn’t seem very smart to Bellamy to go and interrupt them so he turned around instead, sighing. He ought to find someone else to entertain him.

Making his way toward the bar, he bumped into someone. He was about to apologize for staring straight ahead and not noticing the person in front of him when he heard her voice.

“You have got to be kidding me!” She exclaimed, sounding extremely irritated. “Of course it’s you!”

Even though he only saw the top of her blonde head at first, he recognized her annoying voice immediately.

He squinted at her as she looked up, trying to look intimidating, but pulling off an angry kitten look instead.

“You’re in my way,” Clarke said. “And you spilled my drink which I’ve been waiting forever to get. And of course it had to be you. It’s like you’re doing everything in your power to make my life worse!”

Bellamy rolled his eyes at her. It was obvious from the way she was talking that she was as drunk as he was, maybe even more.

He looked down, towering over her. “It’s not my fault you’re short as a hobbit and people can’t see you in front of them.”

She didn’t seem to find any valid response. Instead, she let out an angry groan and kept staring at him like she was going to burn a hole through him.

 If he hadn’t been intoxicated, he would probably fight her and try to get revenge for the way she treated him earlier that day. Instead, he grabbed her by her shoulders, turned her around and started nudging her toward the bar.

“What are you doing?” She asked, trying to free herself from his grip.

“Getting you a new drink. And getting myself one so I can put up with your annoying ass.”

She muttered a not very polite response, but her voice drowned in the sound of music.

 

* * *

 

Raven stared in Murphy’s blue eyes, wondering when he got so close to her. His leg was pressed against hers as he handed her another shot of tequila.

“You’re going to get me very drunk. No, worse, you’re going to get yourself very drunk,” she said to him, laughing. “We both know you can drink much less than me.”

“I don’t care,” he smiled, flashing his teeth at her. It was a rare thing, Murphy didn’t smile very often. He clinked his glass to hers and brought it to his lips.

Raven couldn’t take her eyes off him as they downed their shots. His eyes were shining under the bright neon lights and his skin was glistening with sweat, the strands of his hair plastered to his forehead. She felt the urge to reach out and push his hair back, but she wasn’t drunk enough yet to do that.

He licked his lips, facing her. “You’re staring at me, Reyes.”

She quickly averted her gaze, shaking her head. “No, I was just wondering… When is Emori coming?” She lied. She wasn’t wondering that at all.

His face suddenly turned serious. “I don’t think she is. I didn’t even tell her I was here.”

Raven propped her head against her hand, staring at him curiously. “Why?”

“I don’t know,” he shrugged. “Don’t tell anyone, but I feel like she wants from me more than I can give her,” his words came out slurred as he leaned forward and propped his arm against the back of his seat, mirroring Raven’s position.

She was suddenly aware of how close his face was to her. She let out a shaky breath, hoping he wouldn’t notice.

“You’re saying you don’t want to be with her?”

He let out a shaky breath, but didn’t say anything.

Her heart was beating like crazy as she made a bold move and leaned forward, touching his forehead with his. To her surprise, he didn’t pull away. In fact, he visibly relaxed, letting out a breath of relief. Raven and John played this dangerous cat and mouse game for a long time, but it stopped when he met Emori. Nothing had ever happened between the two of them, but they always flirted and joked around in a manner that wasn’t typical for two people who claimed to be just friends.

It wasn’t until Murphy was no longer single that Raven realized she might want more from him than just being his friend. And when she realized it, it was too late. And she thought there was no chance in hell that Murphy felt the same way. But when he looked at her the way he did that night, she wasn’t so sure anymore.

His phone chose the worst possible timing to start vibrating in his pocket.

When Murphy looked at the screen, he seemed to have snapped out of whatever trance he was in. His look was completely sober and collected when he eyed Raven again.

“I’m sorry. Please forget that I’ve said anything. I- I got caught up and I didn’t mean it to come out like that…” He stuttered, moving away from Raven.

Raven couldn’t do much except blink at him. It took her a while to process his words and everything that had happened before he received a text message. When she managed to compose herself, she reached for her glass and downed her drink.

“It’s okay,” she breathed out, sinking deeper into her seat and hoping Bellamy would show up as soon as possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this before season 6 (obv) when I thought there was no chance of Murven happening and I did ship Raven with Shaw but now I kind of have hope again?? Let me know your thoughts on Murven!  
> Also let me know how you're liking this so far!   
> Thanks for reading xo


	3. We're All Stumbling Through The Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> second update in three days because I don't have an uploading schedule and I'm a mess okay lol
> 
> also I want to get to chapter 4 :))) let me know your thoughtsss

Bellamy knew Clarke was scowling at him without even looking at her. They stood at the bar for what seemed like ages, waiting for one of the waiters to finally noticed them.

“What?” He turned his head to face her. “What are you pouting for now?”

“Nothing,” she shrugged. “This is just my usual face when I’m in your presence.”

Bellamy rolled his eyes. “I can’t say I enjoy your company either, Princess.”

“Then why did you drag me here?” She crossed her arms on her chest.

“Because you spilled your drink while bumping into me and while I know it was your fault, I also know you’re somehow going to make it seem like it was my fault and I don’t feel like hearing you talk shit about me even more than usual. So I’m going to buy you a drink which will hopefully be enough for you to shut up,” he smiled sweetly at her, earning himself an elbow in the ribs from the blonde.

When the waiter finally came, Bellamy ordered a Cosmo for Clarke and a beer for himself.

“I’m sorry,” Clarke said as they waited for their drinks to arrive. “For how I reacted earlier today. You may be a total ass half the time, but I don’t despise you as much as you think,” she swallowed, waiting for his reaction.

He stared at her, so taken aback by her words that he didn’t notice the waiter placing the drinks in front of them. “You’re what?”

“I’m sorry,” she repeated quietly, but loud enough for him to hear.

Bellamy blew out a breath as he slid Clarke’s cocktail to her. He let out a shaky laugh in disbelief, running a hand through his already messy hair.

“I never thought I’d hear those words from you,” he admitted. “But I’m giving credit to the alcohol flowing through your veins. You’re too proud to say it while you’re sober.”

The blonde frowned, considering his words. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

“I’m guessing you’re going back to being a bitch the next time we see each other,” he teased.

Clarke’s reaction was just the one he anticipated. “Well, I wouldn’t have to be a bitch if you weren’t such a self-centered prick!”

“Ah,” Bellamy laughed, taking a swig of his beer. “There’s the Princess we all know and love,” he lightly bumped her hip with his own.

Before she got the chance to respond, he moved away from the bar, preparing to leave her. “I’ll see you at work,” he winked before disappearing in the crowd. It was getting ridiculous how much he’d grown to enjoy leaving her all worked up and furious.

When he returned to his booth, Raven and Murphy sat much further away from each other than they did the last time he saw them. On the one side of the booth there was Raven, a deep frown on her face and her arms crossed over her chest. She seemed to be looking everywhere but in Murphy’s direction. Murphy, on the other hand, looked both embarrassed and distressed, his eyes fixed on the floor.

Bellamy eyed both of them suspiciously before spreading his arms in confusion. “Who died?”

Neither of them bothered to spare as much as a glance at him. So he positioned himself between the pair, taking a big swing from his bottle. He stared blankly at the people dancing in front of him, suddenly wishing he’d stayed at that bar with Clarke.

 

* * *

 

Clarke fought the urge to frown at the flashing cameras as she stood next to Bellamy on the red carpet. She was still fairly new to fame and popularity so she was yet to become immune to camera flashes and all the attention. She got a feeling she would never get used to it, but it was part of the job and she needed to accept it.

‘I’ve got you’ was finally ready to premiere and Clarke had to appear at numerous events together with Bellamy. Even though she wasn’t too happy about him going everywhere she went, the end of filming and promoting the movie meant they would part ways for a while and it was something Clarke looked forward to very much. She needed a break from his annoying ass.

Her eyes already burned after a few minutes of posing for pictures as her head and body followed the voices of multiple photographers calling hers and Bellamy’s names.

She spared a glance at Bellamy and saw that he enjoyed this a bit more than she did. There was a smug grin on his face as he slid an arm around her waist and whispered into her ear.

“You know, they already think we’re involved so we might as well act like it.”

Her elbow collided with his ribs as she gritted her teeth, hoping nobody would notice the way her face flushed with anger. Bellamy knew exactly what he was doing, provoking her in front of everyone where he knew she wouldn’t be able to react the way she wanted. She despised him for it.

She kept the smile plastered on her face as she moved away from him slightly, not enough for someone to notice, but enough to silently tell Bellamy to piss off.

There was an afterparty after the premiere and Clarke couldn’t wait to get to it so she can finally move far away from Bellamy and mingle with people much nicer than him.

Unfortunately for her, he wouldn’t leave her side even as they walked into the venue in which the party was being held.

“What’s got your panties twisted in a bunch now, Princess? Don’t tell me it was my silly joke,” he said into her ear as he grabbed two glasses of champagne and handed it to her. Although she was still angry with him, she gladly accepted the drink and downed it in a few sips.

“You can’t just say things like that in front of all those people! You very well know they’re following our every single move!” She hissed at him, her eyes searching for Roan.

She couldn’t spot her manager in a room full of people. Where was he when she needed him most?

“Why couldn’t I?” Bellamy asked. “Because you don’t want to get aroused in front of people?” A playful smirk appeared on his lips as he wiggled his eyebrows.

Clarke almost exploded at him again, but she found that her anger evaporated and she had no more strength to say some more mean words to him. Instead, she decided to engage in his game.

She put a seductive smirk as she started to walk in front of him, moving her hips in a way she knew would get Bellamy’s attention.

In the corner of her eye she saw him lick his lips, following her every move. She moved quickly through the crowd until she finally spotted the person she was looking for.

Clarke didn’t bother to turn around and spare another word to Bellamy as she wrapped her arm around Lexa’s waist and put a brief but significant peck on her new girlfriend’s lips.

When she moved her gaze from Lexa back to Bellamy, Clarke saw the dumbfounded expression on his face. He looked as though he was about to drop his drink. When he turned around and disappeared in the crowd, she couldn’t help but feel a little victorious.

Clarke had no idea that she wouldn’t be hearing from Bellamy for months after that moment.

 

* * *

 

“You might want to slow down with the tequila, Reyes. Or are you trying to get the ambulance to drive you home tonight?”

Raven heard a deep voice behind her and let out a sigh, shifting in her seat at the bar. “Back off, Frost. What do you care?”

Roan took a seat next to her, his head propped against his elbow. He stared at her with an amusing smile on his lips. “I don’t. It’s just not like you to get plastered at fancy events such as this one.”

“I’m drinking because I hope it will help me forget how uncomfortable this stupid dress is,” she bared her teeth at him.

She wasn’t entirely lying. Raven hated wearing dresses, especially tight ones. And the one she was wearing at the premiere was so tight that she could barely breathe. She did look amazing in it, but that doesn’t mean she enjoyed wearing it. But to be fair, she looked amazing in everything.

“You’re not fooling anyone. Something’s bothering you,” Roan said, taking a sip of his bourbon.

Raven let out an exaggerated groan.  Truth to be told, she was trying to get drunk to forget all the awkwardness between her and Murphy lately. But she surely wasn’t about to admit that to Roan Frost.

“Even if something did bother me, I don’t see how it’s any of your business. Can’t a girl get drunk in peace for once?”

“Only if she lets a boy get drunk with her,” Roan shrugged.

“First of all – you’re too massive to call yourself boy,” she pointed at the muscles on his arms, “so don’t do it anymore. And second of all – I will allow you to drink with me if you stop sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong,” she smiled innocently at him.

“Alright, alright,” he put his hands up in surrender. “I’ll be good.”

Raven wasn’t stupid. She noticed Roan staring at her and occasionally licking his lips in her presence. She wasn’t going to throw herself at him, but she wasn’t going to chase him away either. He was obviously not at all bad to look at. In fact, Raven quite enjoyed looking at him, especially when he was wearing that tight shirt which clung to his muscles. She also enjoyed the way he looked at her and how he gave her his undivided attention. So no, she wasn’t going to chase him away. His company was quite comforting and enjoyable.

They sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes until Raven realized she hadn’t seen her client in a while.

“Hey, did you happen to see Bellamy on your way here?”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure I saw him leaving,” Roan stated.

“Really? That’s weird. He usually loves these kinds of parties,” the brunette frowned.

A smug smirk played on Roan’s lips. “Maybe it has something to do with Clarke blowing him off for her new girlfriend,” he tilted his head in the direction where Clarke and Lexa were standing. “She hasn’t left her side all night.”

“Oooh, that’s something new,” Raven looked amused. “Damn, if I knew Griffin was into girls, I’d snatch her way before this chick.”

Roan almost choked on his drink.

“What? She’s hot.” She clinked her glass with Roan’s, who was still trying to recover from her unexpected statement.

 

* * *

 

“Did you have fun at your vacation?” Raven asked Bellamy, who was seated across from her in her office. “Feeling all fresh and ready for new adventures?”

“I had a lot of fun, if you know what I mean.”

He wiggled his eyebrows and his manager groaned in response. Bellamy had spent three weeks partying in Ibiza with some of his friends. It was unnecessary to mention that most of those friends were female. Raven was fully aware of that, which was why she made a disgusted face at him.

“And yes, I am well rested, thanks for asking,” he folded his hands behind his neck proudly. “But I can’t say I’m particularly looking forward to new adventures, since they include working with my nemesis… _again._ ”

The brunette rolled her eyes, fighting the urge to reach over the desk and smack him on his stupid head.

“You’re overreacting. You don’t hate Clarke half as much as you’re trying to prove. In fact, I don’t think you hate her at all.”

“Well you’re wrong,” Bellamy said, pouting like a five-year old. “I’ve actually quite enjoyed not speaking to her for these past few months.”

“Mhm…” Raven mocked him. Before he had the chance to further defend himself, the door behind him opened and revealed Raven’s assistant lingering by the doorframe.

“I’m sorry for interrupting, but Mr. Frost is here for your lunch appointment.”

Raven smiled at the girl and thanked her, saying she’ll be out in a moment.

“Okay, Blake, we need to wrap this up. As I’ve said, you’re to appear on the set next Monday. I’ll email you the details.”

“Hold on,” Bellamy lifted his finger up, barely listening to his manager. “Since when are you making lunch appointments with the manager of my sworn enemy?”

Raven shrugged, already getting up and putting her coat on. “First of all, Clarke Griffin is far from your sworn enemy. And second, Roan and I are friends. We’ve been hanging out a lot lately.”

“Oh my god Raven, are you sleeping with him?”

The brunette had to roll her eyes at the disgust on Bellamy’s face.

“NO!” She exclaimed, as she hadn’t ever thought of sleeping with Roan. “I like hanging out with him. He’s been very helpful in taking my mind off all the Murphy drama. Can’t you just accept the fact that you’re not my only friend?” She pointed at him to get out, her hand already on the doorknob.

“No,” Bellamy pretended to be offended. By the time he came up with a witty comment, Raven was already out.

 

 

* * *

 

“You’re calling to remind me of dress code for this weekend’s party, aren’t you, mom?” Clarke muttered into her phone as she rolled out of her bed and made her way toward the kitchen. She needed coffee in order to have a decent conversation with her mother this early in the morning.

“Yes, sweetheart, that’s exactly why I’m calling. Did you get a dress yet?”

The tone in Abby’s voice indicated that it would be better for Clarke if the answer was yes. Otherwise she wouldn’t hesitate to drive down to her daughter’s apartment, drag her ass out the door and take her shopping for a suitable outfit.

“Yes, mom. I’ll be wearing a knee-length emerald dress with transparent sleeves. Not too revealing, but not boring either. I’ll send you a pic later.”

“Good. That’s good.”

Knowing her mother all too well, Clarke made sure to get a dress as soon as her mother informed her of yet another charity fundraiser she was throwing. This time it was to gather donations for a newly opened animal shelter. And while Clarke was happy to be a part of such a noble cause, she couldn’t say she was particularly fond of attending her mother’s parties where she always had to mingle and talk to people she either didn’t know or didn’t care about.

Clarke gathered the courage to ask her mother a sensitive question as she fumbled with the coffee machine. “So I was wondering if I could bring someone with me as a plus one…”

She didn’t get a chance to finish because Abby cut her off. “If you’re talking about Lexa, the answer is no.”

The blonde almost dropped the coffee mug out of her hands. “What? Mom, why? You’ve never had a problem with me dating girls. You’ve been familiar with my sexual orientation since I was a teenager. And if this is because I haven’t yet introduced her to you or dad…”

“I don’t have a problem with any of that, Clarke. I’m disappointed that you would even think that,” the older woman cut her off yet again.

“Then why?” Clarke protested. She saw this party as a chance to try to lighten things up with her girlfriend. Things haven’t been exactly perfect between the two of them lately and Clarke felt like she ought to do something to get their relationship back to a good place. And introducing Lexa to her parents at a public event seemed like a good way to do that.

“Because, Clarke…” Abby sighed into the phone, “I don’t feel like Lexa is the person for these kinds of events. There will be a lot of important people there whose donations are very valuable and we can’t do anything that will make them reconsider their donations. And if Lexa shows up with her… not so great reputation, people won’t take us seriously. Do you see my point?”

“Her reputation? What are you even talking about?”

Clarke was now yelling in the phone, completely abandoning her coffee.

“Don’t pretend like you don’t know, Clarke. I’m not questioning your choices. This is your life and you get to choose who you want to be with. But Lexa’s past is not quite admirable and you know it.”

Truth to be told, Lexa was known as a hardcore party girl who was often seen with shady people when she was younger. There were even rumors about her being a former drug addict, but Clarke never asked her about that because she was sure Lexa would tell her the truth when she was ready. But she wasn’t like that anymore. She’d gotten way more serious as she grew older and Clarke was sure she made the right choice when she decided to date her.

But something in her mother’s voice indicated Clarke didn’t stand a chance at winning this fight. So instead she decided to back down.

 “Fine! But don’t look surprised when you see me not being my usual charming self at your stupid party! I may even ruin it on purpose!”

She didn’t, of course, mean what she had said because she would never dare to make a fool out of herself in front of so many people. But she enjoyed yelling at her mother at that moment. Like an angry teenager, she hung up without so much as a goodbye and banged her phone loudly against the kitchen counter. That’ll show her.


	4. You Warmed Me To My Core And You Left Me Wanting More

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> posting this chapter in honor of glorious bellarke crumbs we have been fed this week :))))

Just a few days after her horrifying phone call with Abby, Clarke had to drag her ass to the charity event and pretend like she wasn’t furious with her mother for forbidding her to bring Lexa. Not to mention how offended Lexa was when she realized Clarke wasn’t planning on inviting her. 

So there she was, standing alone by the bar with a fake smile plastered on her face, drowning her sorrow in expensive champagne. Her mother had subtly pointed out a few times that she might want to slow down with the drinking, but Clarke ignored her, fighting the urge to flip her off in front of everyone.

Just when she thought her mood couldn’t get any worse, she heard a familiar voice behind her.

 “Hello, Princess. Having fun?”

She turned around to face no other than Bellamy Blake, standing there with a smug smirk on his stupid face. He was dressed in a tuxedo and his hair was combed for a change, making him look less disheveled than usual. In any other circumstance, Clarke would find him very attractive.

Abby thought it would be a great idea to invite Clarke’s colleague to this event without checking in with Clarke first. She saw him walk in to the party with a girl on his arm a while ago, but for the entire evening she was doing her best to avoid him. They haven’t exactly been on the best of terms lately (have they ever??), especially since they started working on a new TV show called ‘The Heart and The Head’ and had to spend almost every day together. They were both, of course, cast as leading actors and had to appear together in almost every scene. To say it was infuriating for both of them would be an understatement.

“Of course. Do I not look like I’m having the time of my life?” Clarke’s voice dripped with sarcasm as she watched him take a seat next to her.

“It appears you are here alone. Where’s your girlfriend?”

The blonde had to down the rest of her champagne before answering his question. The mention of Lexa conjured up the last fight they had in her mind and it was not a pleasant memory.

“She was busy. Not that it’s any of your business.”

Bellamy must’ve seen right through her because he didn’t seem to buy her lame excuse. “Having trouble in paradise?”

Something in his voice made Clarke believe that he was actually asking her that out of genuine concern instead of his usual cocky teasing.

“To be honest, yes,” she let out a sigh, not believing the words coming out of her mouth. Was it champagne? When did she start trusting Bellamy Blake? He was probably going to blab out her relationship problems to the first person he saw.

“Things haven’t been exactly great between us lately and it really makes me frustrated… I don’t even know why I’m telling you this,” she rubbed her forehead, forcing herself to stop talking.

“That’s odd,” Bellamy stated. “I see happy pictures of you two all the time all over the Internet.”

Clarke looked at him once more to check for any signs of mockery. She found none. His expression was serious, as was his voice. For the first time since she’d known him, she felt like she could trust him. And it was a relief, finding someone she could trust. She hadn’t told anyone about her Lexa problems and she couldn’t take it anymore. She needed to tell someone. And out of all people in the world, she chose to trust Bellamy Blake. It seemed easy talking to him, even easier than to some of her closest friends.

“That’s just a rouse for the public. You should see us fighting when we’re at home.” She buried her face in her hands, bracing herself for what she was about to say to him. “I think she’s cheating on me, Bellamy.”

He shook his head in disbelief. “Wow, that’s… Unexpected.”

Clarke let out a snort, reaching for another glass of champagne. “Yeah. And I’m telling you this in confidence so I expect you not to tell anyone,” she pointed a finger at him in warning.

“Don’t worry, Griffin. Your secret is safe with me,” he assured her.

“Thanks,” she smiled weakly at him. Miracles are possible after all. “By the way, where’s your date?”

“Haven’t seen her in a while,” Bellamy shrugged. “She told me she had to go to the bathroom and disappeared. To be honest, she had a bit too much of champagne. Which wouldn’t be so bad if she wasn’t already half drunk when I picked her up before we came here.”

Clarke let out a chuckle, grateful for having something else to think about other than her love life. “Wow, you really know how to pick them, Blake.”

“Yeah, frankly I think she wasn’t able to handle the pressure of going out with this irresistible piece of ass.”

Clarke rolled her eyes at him, pretending to be annoyed, but she couldn’t help but laugh.

“Speaking of which, would you like to dance?” Bellamy got up from his chair, offering her his hand. “Unless you want to stay here and end up like my date,” he raised his eyebrows and pointed to her already empty glass.

“Fine,” she took his hand. “If you promise to behave.”

“When do I not behave?” He smirked at her as he led her to the dancefloor.

To Clarke’s surprise, Bellamy was actually an excellent dancer. They danced together for the rest of the evening and he was actually doing his best not to make any snarky remarks, careful not to hurt Clarke’s feelings.

And when Clarke came to work next Monday and saw Bellamy smile at her when no one was looking, she knew she made the right choice when she decided to put her trust in him. And then she got back to their usual bickering like they hadn’t just developed a special bond that will determine further development of their relationship.

 

* * *

 

“Griffin! What the hell? Why aren’t you out yet? We were supposed to start rehearsing our lines 15 minutes ago!” Bellamy knocked -no, banged- on the door of Clarke’s dressing room, burning with anger. It wasn’t like Clarke to be late, that was one of the few of her traits which he actually appreciated.

“Alright, I’m coming in!” He yelled when there was no response. The door was unlocked and when he opened them, he saw Clarke sitting on the small sofa and crying.

“What happened?”

When there was no answer, his anger was replaced with worry and he gently shut the door behind him and crossed the room to sit next to her.

“Hey, talk to me,” Bellamy placed a hand on Clarke’s shoulder and gave it a comforting squeeze.

It took her a few minutes to calm down and stop crying. When she finally spoke, her voice came out hoarse and shaky.

“I was right. Lexa cheated on me,” she ran a hand through her hair and inhaled deeply in efforts not to start crying again. “I think it’s really over this time, Bellamy.”

“So what?” Bellamy said as Clarke looked up at him in surprise, not expecting him to react that way. “You’re going to waste your tears on someone that doesn’t even give a damn about you? I’m sorry, Clarke, but something’s really wrong with her if you’re not enough for her. She doesn’t deserve you. So stop wallowing in despair and don’t let her win.”

Clarke let out a chuckle. “She doesn’t deserve me? It’s weird to hear that from a person who dislikes me probably more than everyone else that I know.”

“Come on, Clarke, you and I both know that’s not true,” he said quietly.

His words seemed to have triggered something inside of her because she stared at him for what seemed like ages before she got up and locked the door in a few swift movements.

Bellamy stared at her in surprise and before he had the chance to react, Clarke positioned himself onto his lap, grabbed his face and pressed her lips to his.

He wanted to protest at first, but when her tongue slid inside his mouth and her hands into his hair, he knew he was lost. He started kissing her back, wrapping his arms around her waist and squeezing tight.

Even though he didn’t want to admit it, he wanted her for a long time, even since before that party where he found out Clarke was dating Lexa and it felt like she had pierced his heart with a thousand little needles.

Bellamy seemed to have come to his senses when Clarke reached for his belt, not breaking the kiss. He pulled away, his hands pressed against Clarke’s shoulders, stopping her from lunging at him again.

“I’m fully aware that you want to do this out of revenge and trust me, I hate to interrupt you. But if we go on, I would just feel like I’ve used you when you were the most vulnerable and I can’t do that,” he forced the words to come out of his mouth, even though he was already hard underneath his jeans and being the voice of reason seemed like the most difficult thing ever.

Clarke rolled her eyes and reached for his face again, cupping it in her small hands. “Bellamy, you’re not using me. I’m a grown ass woman and I know what I want. And I want this,” she said and leaned forward to kiss him again.

Her lips were soft and still a little salty from the tears and it was so easy for Bellamy to let himself drown in her again. He let out a groan and muttered between the kisses. “Are you sure?”

“Yes. Now stop talking,” Clarke grinded her hips against him to emphasize how much she wanted him. When a low growl escaped from the back of his throat, she smiled proudly, knowing that she had won.

Clarke wasn’t one for rash decisions. It wasn’t like her to do things without putting a lot of thought in first. But she was about to do something she had not at all thought about, pushing away feelings and reason. For a moment she thought she was going to stop, but when she unbuckled Bellamy’s belt, pulled his pants and underwear down and unleashed his erection, every single thought evaporated from her mind and all she wanted was to feel him inside of her.

She pulled away from him just to lower her own jeans down as he quickly put on a condom he fetched from his wallet. Clarke positioned herself back onto Bellamy and let out a gasp as he slid inside of her and they started to move together.  She hasn’t been with a man in a while and she almost forgot how good it felt.

And with Bellamy it felt especially good. It was exactly what Clarke needed – it was fast and hard and amazing. Even though they were in an awkward position, crammed on Clarke’s small sofa, Bellamy clearly knew what he was doing and it didn’t take long for Clarke to melt around him, trying really hard not to scream, knowing their colleagues outside could very easily hear them. After a few more deep thrusts, Bellamy was done as well. They stayed like that in silence for a few more moments, both of them breathing heavily, not believing what they had just done.

Clarke pressed her sweaty forehead to Bellamy’s, a small smirk playing on her lips. “So, you want to rehearse those lines now?”

She felt his body tremble with laughter beneath her, followed by her own. They laughed and laughed until it was finally time to go back to reality and pretend like they didn’t just do what they did.

 

* * *

 

Bellamy saw Octavia rushing to him as soon as she spotted him leaving the building. He wrapped his arms around her, chuckling at the way she collided with him. He always wondered how so much force could fit into such a small body.

“Hey, O,” he kissed the top of her head fondly.

When Octavia called him earlier that day to ask if he was free for lunch, Bellamy instantly said yes. Even though they didn’t live far apart, they hadn’t seen each other in almost two weeks which was super long for them since they were incredibly close. Even if Bellamy wasn’t free for lunch that day, he would cancel all his plans just to see his sister. Octavia worked for Allie Hendrix, one of the youngest and most popular fashion designers in L.A. She was always working and could barely catch a break, which she mostly used to get some sleep and then see her brother.

“The witch finally let you out of the cave?” He asked as they started to walk to the restaurant a few blocks away from where Bellamy was filming.

He always referred to Allie as “the witch” or “Cruella” or something, hating her guts for making his sister work until she dropped. Octavia didn’t like those nicknames, which is why she poked Bellamy in the arm.

“Ow.”

“I’ve told you a million times, Bell, working for Allie is the only way I could ever get recognized as a young designer. Do you know how many people would give everything to be in my place? It’s a great…”

“Honor to be hired by her, blah blah, yeah I know,” Bellamy cut her off, rolling his eyes. “And what about the fact that she keeps stealing your designs? Is that also a great honor?”

“She’s not stealing my designs,” Octavia poked his brother once again. “She just draws inspiration from some of my sketches.”

“God, Octavia, when are you going to realize that she’s using you?!” Bellamy was now almost yelling, earning himself a few questioning glances from the people passing by. “I already told you multiple times that I could find you clients, very respectable celebrities who would be more than happy to wear your designs. You wouldn’t have to work for that bitch ever again.”

“You know that I have a contract for another six months and I can’t quit just like that. Besides, I’m perfectly happy where I am now.”

“No, you’re not. There are dark circles under your eyes, you look like you haven’t slept in days and you’re even skinnier than the last time I saw you,” her brother pointed out.

Bellamy was genuinely worried about his sister. All that work couldn’t be good for her health. He didn’t want to say that to her, but he was surprised to see that all the spark and spite Octavia used to have was gone. She was always tough and would never let somebody push her around. And she’d been pushed around ever since she started working for Allie two years ago.

All of a sudden, Octavia stopped walking in the middle of the street, an angry pout on her face. “I didn’t call you just so you could give me lessons and point out all the ways I’m screwing up my life. I’m not fourteen anymore. You know I’m always going to be thankful for everything you gave me and I’m always going to seek your advice, but that doesn’t mean that I need to blindly follow it. I’m an adult and I’m very capable of making my own decisions.”

It took Bellamy a few moments to process his sister’s words. “I’m sorry, O,” he finally said. “I’m just really worried about you. I’m afraid all this might be too much for you.”

“I’m fine, Bell,” Octavia reassured him. “Can we go get lunch in peace now?”

Even though he wasn’t entirely buying her words, he didn’t want to spend the limited time he had with her fighting. So he just nodded and wrapped his arm around Octavia’s small frame.

He was happy for choosing to shut up when he saw the bright smile on his sister’s face as she looked up at him and wrapped her own arm around his waist.

“I was thinking Italian,” she said. “I’m in the mood for some pasta.”

“Whatever you want, little sis. Today is all about you. I’ve missed you,” he admitted.

“Aw, that’s so cute. I’ve missed you too. Tell me all the interesting stuff that happened since we last saw each other.”

Bellamy felt the heat rushing to his face like he was some silly teenage girl. He shared everything with his sister and he really wanted to tell her about what happened with Clarke in the dressing room. But he couldn’t. That wasn’t just something you blurt out to your sister in the middle of the street. Besides, there was nothing to tell. For the past few days, Clarke pretended like it didn’t happen at all.

So he came up with an answer that he hoped would satisfy Octavia, his voice coming out a little higher than he wanted to.  “Oh you know, same old set life. Nothing particularly interesting going on.”


	5. Maybe I Just Wanna Be Yours

Bellamy walked around the bar with a glass in his hand that somehow kept getting empty, mingling and chatting with the cast and crew members. He felt a light buzz fogging his head. He wasn’t drunk, just tipsy enough to feel more relaxed than usual.

There was light pop music playing, just loud enough to set the mood, but quiet enough for people to be able to hear each other talk. There was some cute finger food set on the high tables all over the room and people were mostly drinking cocktails or soft drinks like that.

It was all very casual and cute, but it wasn’t the kind of party Bellamy preferred. What he liked the most was to get wasted with his small group of best friends.

But when Harper, who played Clarke’s best friend in the show, invited him to her birthday party, he couldn’t refuse because she’d always been nice to him and he actually liked her personality.

Apparently, Jasper and Monty didn’t only own Jonty’s, that cute little café in which Bellamy spent quite a lot of his time, but also a bar in which Harper chose to celebrate her birthday, inviting most of cast and crew and some of her friends.

Bellamy liked Monty and Jasper. They were both a little nerdy and goofy and very cheerful. And also very inseparable. He walked around thinking they were a couple until Harper grabbed Monty and smooched him.

Although he didn’t know until the party that Jasper and Monty owned the bar, Clarke clearly did because she chatted and laughed with the pair the entire evening. They were obviously friends, which was a new discovery to Bellamy. In the years that he had known Clarke, he hadn’t seen her interact with friends at all. He had seen her only with Lexa which was different because she was her lover. Besides, he had only seen the two of them together when Clarke put on a show for him to make him jealous.

Clarke must’ve noticed him staring at her because she stared right back and started advancing toward him.

“Why are you staring at me?” She tilted her head, examining him curiously.

“Because you have a stain on your shirt,” Bellamy smirked at her.

Clarke’s eyes immediately snapped down to the front of her shirt, making him chuckle.

“Ha! Made you look.”

He earned himself an annoyed glare from her. “God, you’re so childish.”

“You didn’t seem to think that when you attacked me in your dressing room,” Bellamy stated casually. He might’ve not chosen the greatest time to start that particular conversation, but he couldn’t handle any more of Clarke’s acting like nothing happened.

Clarke was just in the middle of sipping her cocktail and she almost choked on it when he spoke.

“Shut up! Someone could hear you!” She hissed at him, her face flushed with both shame and anger.

“So what?”

He only said that to piss her off. He didn’t have any intentions to start spreading rumors about him and Clarke getting all hot and heavy.

She looked around, making sure nobody was near.

“So what? Bellamy, you have to understand that no one can know what happened between the two of us! And that it’s never happening again!”

He was behind her in a heartbeat, their bodies inches away from touching and before she could even process what was happening, he leaned forward and whispered into her ear. “Oh really?”

Bellamy couldn’t help but smirk when he noticed Clarke’s breath rapidly increasing.

It took her a while longer than intended to turn around and step away from him.

“Don’t do that!” She snapped. “Bellamy, I have a girlfriend and you know that very well!”

He frowned, crossing his arms over his chest. “I thought she cheated on you,” the teasing tone was now gone from his voice and he was suddenly all seriousness.

Clarke’s face turned red again, but this time from embarrassment. “We worked that out,” she said quietly, lowering her head to avoid his gaze.

“Did you?” Bellamy stepped toward her again, but this time she didn’t back away. “Or are you just putting on a show for public because being a couple increases your popularity?”

She looked up at him reluctantly, suddenly aware of how close he was to her. “Just leave me alone, please,” she turned around and left before giving him a chance to say anything else.

Bellamy felt the need to leave the party immediately after his little argument with Clarke, but he stuck around for Harper’s sake, making small talk with her and her friends. He even got a chance to finally officially meet Monty and Jasper, who turned out to be even dorkier and funnier than he expected.

* * *

 

It was about 1 am when he decided to head home. He already put on his jacket when he looked out of the window and saw Clarke engaged in a heated argument with someone over the phone. He couldn’t hear her over the sound of music and the glass separating them, but he could see from the expression on her face that she was yelling. Her face was red with frustration as she paced furiously across the parking lot.

He watched her curiously until she hung up, threw her phone into her purse furiously and turned around to head back inside. She stomped in through the front door of the bar and stopped at the entrance, her eyes searching for something or someone.

When her eyes landed on Bellamy, he realized she was searching for him. In a few swift movements she appeared in front of him, eyeing him from head to toe.

An amused smirk played on Bellamy’s lips when he realized exactly what she wanted from the crazed and hungry look in her eyes.

“You had a fight with Lexa again?”

“Mhm,” she muttered, her eyes still fixated on him.

“You want to have revenge sex again?”

She nodded enthusiastically, grabbing his hand and dragging him out of the door.

“Where exactly do you think you’re going?” Bellamy asked her when they were on the parking lot.

“To your car.”

“Really? Wow, Princess, I didn’t think you were the type of girl who does it in cars,” he laughed, walking behind her as she searched for his car.

“I’m not. I’ve never done it in a car before,” Clarke replied a bit nervously, her boldness from earlier evaporating. She watched him as he unlocked his car and positioned himself onto the passenger seat, pushing the seat back to make room for her.

“Well?” He peered outside, almost laughing at how embarrassed she looked standing next to his car like an idiot.

“Oh my god, this is so awkward,” Clarke rolled her eyes, chuckling as she climbed onto his lap, shutting the door behind her. She placed her hands on his shoulders to balance herself, staring at him. He looked especially handsome, his face lit only by dim street lights, making his eyes shine a bit more.

“Hey, you’re the one who grabbed me in your moment of lust and dragged my ass out here.”

She laughed and brought her forehead to his, running her fingers through his soft, messy hair. He was the one who made the first move this time, wrapping his arms around her waist and bringing his mouth to hers.

It didn’t take long for Clarke to relax, all the awkwardness from earlier disappearing. She was surprised by how natural it felt, pressing her body to his. Even though she would never admit Bellamy that, she didn’t want to do this just to get back at Lexa. Her fight with Lexa just pushed her to do something she’d been thinking about since that time in her dressing room.

They took things slow, lazily kissing for a while, Bellamy’s hands running up and down Clarke’s body. They didn’t need to turn on the heating in the car because they kept each other warm. When Clarke moaned into Bellamy’s mouth, he decided he was done fooling around. He quickly unbuttoned her shirt, revealing the pale, smooth skin of her breasts. He squeezed softly a few times before reaching for the hook of her bra.

She lifted his shirt up and ran her hands over the hard muscles of his stomach, tracing wet kisses along his jaw and neck.

Suddenly Bellamy’s phone rang loudly in his jeans, followed by annoyed groans from both of them.

“Please tell me you’re not going to answer that,” Clarke frowned when Bellamy pulled the phone reluctantly out of his pocket.

“I have to,” he said, his voice hoarse and even deeper than usual. He placed a quick, apologetic kiss on her mouth.

Looking at him like that, all dark and disheveled, with messy hair and swollen lips from kissing her, Clarke felt the throbbing between her legs become even more intense. She hated that they were being interrupted.

“It’s my sister. She wouldn’t be calling this late if it wasn’t important,” he explained.

The blonde frowned, resting her hands on his shoulders as he picked up the phone.

“Hey O, what’s up?”

“Bell…” his sister’s voice was shaky and distant, like she was crying. “She did it again! I hate her so much!” She said between the frustrated sobs.

“Okay, calm down and tell me what happened,” Bellamy turned completely serious all of a sudden. When Clarke saw the expression on his face, she started to worry too.

“It was Allie! She literally stole my designs! She invited the models for the last fitting before the show tomorrow when she thought I wouldn’t be there to protest. But I came to pick up some of my sketches that I left in the studio yesterday and they were all wearing my dresses! She didn’t even bother to make any changes this time! So I got into a fight with her and I quit.”

Octavia’s sobbing was getting worse as she talked and Bellamy knew he had to do something.

“I’m coming to pick you up, okay? Where are you?”

“In front of the studio,” she sniffed into the phone.

“Okay, I’ll be there soon. You just try to calm down. Everything’s going to be okay, O. I love you.”

“Thanks, Bell. Love you too.”

“I’m really sorry,” Bellamy looked at Clarke regretfully when he hung up. “But I have to go,” he pressed his forehead against her shoulder and sighed in frustration.

“Yeah, I figured that,” she patted his head in comfort. As she started to button up her shirt, the craziest idea came to her mind.

“Can I come with you? The party’s dead anyway and I’m definitely not ready to come home yet and fight with Lexa.”

She felt ashamed for even asking as soon as she blurted the question out, but there was no turning back now. Bellamy stared at her in surprise for a moment.

“Yeah, uh-yeah,” he stuttered. “I’m sure my sister won’t mind.”

When he started the engine and they left the parking lot, Clarke became more aware of the awkward silence between them. She started desperately searching for ways to end it.

“So, would you care to fill me in before we meet your sister?”

Bellamy tightened his grip on the wheel before speaking. This topic seemed to be upsetting for him.

“My sister moved here years ago to start working for Allie, the fashion designer. You know her?”

When Clarke nodded, he continued.

“Initially, the plan was to work for her for a little bit until she was able to branch out, to start her own business, to design clothes of her own. But things didn’t quite go as planned and Octavia learned the hard way that there are way more aspiring young designers in Los Angeles than she thought. Don’t get me wrong, she’s amazing at what she does and I strongly believe that she would succeed if she finally gathered courage to start her own line.”

“But as years passed, it was harder for her to leave Allie. Allie’s grip on her tightened and she even started blackmailing her, saying she would destroy her if she left and made sure no one wanted her designs. She also started stealing Octavia’s ideas, presenting them as her own. And when Octavia called tonight, she was very upset because Allie apparently stole all of her newest sketches and displayed them at her new fashion show.”

“Oh my god,” Clarke looked at him in disbelief. “There must be something we can do to help her.”

“We?” Bellamy smirked.

“Yeah… I mean, I’m roped in now, there’s no going back,” Clarke smiled. “You have to let me help.”

“Trust me, I’ve tried so many times. But this job means so much to her and it would crush her if she tried to go on her own and failed. You remember that time when we worked on our first project together and I yelled at you when it took us a long time to get that one scene right?”

The blonde rolled her eyes. “I remember. I wish I didn’t, though. You acted like such a jerk and I slapped you,” she let out a snort. It seemed like such a big deal at a time, but after everything they’ve been through, it just seemed silly.

“I was a jerk. There’s no excuse for that. I didn’t act that way because I was mad at you. I was mad because I knew I would be late for Octavia’s first fashion show. I mean, it was the first one since she started working for Allie. She was so proud and happy and I couldn’t make it. She didn’t have any friends yet and I was the only family she had, except for our stepdad Marcus who is awesome, but he lives far away. So I was pissed because of that and I took it out on you. I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry.”

Clarke stared at him for a long time. From the very beginning she thought he was a complete asshole when he was just being an amazing older brother. It made her tear up a little bit.

“Bellamy…”

 “Oh don’t ‘Bellamy’ me with that voice,” he chuckled. “I wasn’t trying to make you pity me. I just wanted to clarify some things so you could maybe understand my behavior that day. Even though it was unforgivable.”

“I understand. Thanks for telling me,” she said softly. She wanted to place her hand over his, but she realized she had no right. They didn’t have that type of relationship where they could comfort each other or touch each other freely. Their relationship consisted of fierce outbursts of emotion following unexpected confessions and occasional reckless moments of passion.

When the thought hit her, Clarke felt sick. She had a girlfriend. Even though they weren’t on the best of terms, she cheated on her with Bellamy after giving Lexa the hardest of times for cheating first. At first, she didn’t feel bad because she thought Bellamy was a self-centered jerk, but now she got to know the other side to him and Clarke felt like she was using him. A sudden wave of guilt overwhelmed her and she didn’t say anything for the rest of the ride.

She felt relieved when they finally got to where Octavia was and Bellamy’s attention could be focused on something other than her sudden change of behavior. They got out of the car and found Octavia sitting on the steps of a random building with her head buried in her hands.

She lifted her head up when she heard them approaching and her face lit up when she saw her brother, even though her cheeks were wet from tears.

Bellamy ran to her and wiped her cheeks before gently wrapping his arms around her small frame and pulling her to his chest. The scene made Clarke’s heart warm.

He murmured something comforting into Octavia’s ear while she buried her head in his neck and Clarke chose to stay behind for a safe distance, not wanting to interrupt a private moment. She waited patiently until Octavia calmed down and Bellamy turned around, gesturing for Clarke to come closer.

“O, this is…”

“Clarke Griffin!” Octavia exclaimed. “I can’t believe he brought you! Oh my god, I love you!!” She ran to Clarke and hugged her. Clarke didn’t expect that reaction at all so she was caught off guard when Octavia almost tackled her. She was surprised by how strong the petite brunette was. Clarke started smiling. Octavia’s spirit was contagious.

“I’ve literally seen every single thing you’re in. Even those dish soap commercials from like ten years ago.”

The blonde started laughing at the memory of the beginnings of her career. She was glad to see such excitement on the girl’s face, especially after Bellamy told her what she’d been through.

“Wait, weren’t you two like enemies?” When she managed to calm down a little, Octavia eyed them both. “Bell always used to complain about you until I told him to shut up because I didn’t believe you were as bad as he described.”

Bellamy shot Octavia a warning glare, indicating that it was time to stop talking. In return he received a glare from Clarke, but there was more amusement than anything else in her eyes when she looked at him.

The blonde pursed her lips. “You could say we’re frenemies,” she joked.

Octavia started to laugh, while her brother appeared confused. He narrowed his eyes, both amused and annoyed by the fact that his sister and Clarke had more in common than he expected.

“I hate that word. What does that even mean? It’s so stupid.” 

The brunette waved him off, turning back to Clarke. “Don’t mind him. He’s too old to understand modern slang.”

Both girls turned to him, their faces lit up with laughter. He rolled his eyes and started walking to his car.

“I suggest that you both stop talking and get in the car. We’re getting pancakes. Hopefully that’ll shut you up,” he grunted.

“Hmm, I doubt it, brother dear,” Octavia stated cheerfully. She was evidently in much better mood than when they found her just a few minutes earlier. “I’m willing to reconsider only if we’re going to Nana’s diner.”

Bellamy scoffed at her as he unlocked his car and sat inside. “Of course we’re going to Nana’s diner,” he said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Octavia, who was seated in the back, started clapping her hands like a child. Clarke then stated she had never heard of Nana’s diner, earning herself disapproving groans from both Blakes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you guys believe that we have to wait for two weeks to see what happens to Bell?   
> Ugh
> 
> Come talk to me on Tumblr, my url is blakeesgriffin :)   
> And feel free to leave me a comment, I love to hear your thoughts on the story!


	6. Can't Keep This Beating Heart At Bay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just dropping this off while we wait for a fresh episode :)))   
> Let me know what you think in the comments!

“I can’t believe I’ve never heard of this place,” Clarke mumbled in between delicious bites of glorious food. “These pancakes are pure heaven.”

“O and I discovered this diner shortly after we moved here. It’s our go to when we’re celebrating something or we need some comfort. Isn’t that right, O?” He looked lovingly at his sister who was in the middle of stuffing her face. With a mouthful of food, she couldn’t do anything else but nod enthusiastically.

The diner was open all night and it was always filled with tipsy people who got hungry after a night out and workers coming home from late night shifts. Bellamy always found it amusing to watch various kinds of people coming in and out of the diner. Even thought it was in the middle of a big city, it felt very cozy and warm and friendly. And it never failed to make him or his sister feel better if they were upset about something.

“You’re not worried about someone recognizing you?” Clarke asked when she was finished with her meal.

Bellamy shrugged, putting his hands behind his head. “Everyone usually minds their own business in this place. Besides, I really don’t care about paparazzi filming me while I eat pancakes. It couldn’t be that exciting of a story.”

“Everything seems to be exciting these days,” the blonde said absent-mindedly, taking a sip of her coffee. It might’ve been to late (or to early) for coffee since it was almost dawn, but she didn’t plan on doing much sleeping anyway after such an eventful night.

“So, Octavia, do you ever intend to talk about what happened tonight?” Bellamy’s voice was a little more serious when he spoke to his sister for the second time. There was something almost paternal in his posture and voice and Clarke knew without asking that he played a crucial role in raising his sister.

“Oh you mean how I flipped out, quit my job and potentially ruined my life?” Octavia leaned back in her chair, chewing on the last of her meal.

Bellamy crossed his hands in front of him, looking at his sister softly, but with determination. “You didn’t ruin your life, O. You did the right thing.”

Octavia scoffed, running her fingers through her long, silky hair. All the cheerfulness was gone from her face now and it was obvious that she was concerned and confused, not knowing what’s next. “Yeah, maybe. But what am I supposed to do now? Allie will most likely ruin me after the way I walked out on her. I won’t be able to get a job anywhere in a hundred-mile radius.”

“I know it’s none of my business, but I have a suggestion,” Clarke said quietly, half-expecting for Bellamy and Octavia to start yelling at her for interrupting their discussion.

But they didn’t seem mad, just curious, both staring at her intently, waiting for her to continue.

“You could show me some of your sketches and I could forward them to my friends. And then you can start making outfits for all of us. Both me and Bellamy have a lot of famous friends who I’m sure would be more than happy to wear your creations. I’m sure our recommendation will mean a lot to them,” she stated reassuringly, watching Octavia’s eyes light up as she spoke.

“You would really do that for me?” She asked, all wide-eyed and radiant. “You don’t even know me.”

“Of course I would. I’ve only known you for a few hours and I can already see your potential. Besides, the famous Allie wouldn’t steal ideas from just anyone,” Clarke tried to make a joke, hoping it wasn’t too soon.

Bellamy watched Clarke with both amusement and awe. “You know what Griffin, I’m starting to think I might have underestimated you.”

The blonde put her hand over her heart, pretending to be moved. “That is the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me,” she faked a sob, making Octavia laugh.

 

* * *

 

Raven arrived at Murphy’s house shortly after 11 pm, finding most of her friends already there. They were scattered on the couch and bean bag chairs, munching on snacks and sipping bears, as usual.

“About time, Reyes,” Murphy said as soon as she entered the room. “I was starting to think you wouldn’t show,” the tone of his voice was light, but something in his eyes was giving him away, indicating what seemed like insecurity and doubt. Raven averted her gaze from him as soon as she noticed it, feeling a strange pang in her chest. And when she saw Emori sitting in a bean bag chair next to him, her legs in his lap, the pang became more intense.

She almost decided not to go. Her and Murphy had been on weird terms lately. Ever since that night at the Dropship months ago, she felt like they were both tiptoeing around each other every time they hung out. And they didn’t hang out half as much as they used to. Murphy had been acting strange, always coming up with excuses that didn’t make sense when the gang asked him to come hang out with them. At first Raven thought it was because of her, because he realized that she had forbidden feelings for him, but he happened to ignore the rest of their friends as well. There were even a few occasions where he completely went off the radar for multiple days, not even bothering to send a text to one of them. Raven had no other explanation for his odd behavior but Emori. This was Murphy’s first real relationship in a long time and he probably wanted to spend as much time with his new girlfriend as possible.

But she still considered Murphy one of her best friends and when he invited her to his house to watch his new movie with the rest of the crew, she couldn’t say no. She wanted to support him as always. It was kind of their tradition whenever one of their actor friends had a new project coming out. They would all gather around in someone’s house and have their own little private premiere before the actual, official premiere. Raven even asked Roan to come as emotional support this time,  but he happened to be preoccupied.

“Sorry I’m late, guys,” Raven said, opting for the chair as far away from the lovebirds as possible. “Busy day at work. Where’s Blake?” She asked, missing the comforting presence of her best friend.

“He’s at some coworker’s birthday party. He said he would try to get out as soon as possible, but I guess he got stuck,” Jackson replied. He was sitting on the couch with Miller’s arm draped around his shoulders. Just the sight of them made Raven smile. S

he remembered Jackson a few years ago, when she had only just met him. He was this super smart and adorable guy, but a bit shy and insecure. It took him a while to embrace his sexuality and find his true self, but now he was in a loving and committed relationship. Raven hoped for a shred of his bravery, wishing she had the guts to follow her heart and go for the person she wanted.

“Okay, so we’re all here then. Can we finally start watching?” Emory asked, visibly excited to see her boyfriend’s new project.

Murphy grabbed the remote and before he had the chance to start the movie, the doorbell rang again and he had to get up to answer the door.

“Speak of the devil,” Miller said, implying that it’s probably Bellamy at the door.

Raven felt a rush of relief spread through her, thankful for Bellamy saving her from having to spend the evening being a fifth wheel to the two couples.

Even though Murphy didn’t come back with Bellamy Blake, Raven wasn’t disappointed. A huge grin spread across her face when Roan’s massive frame appeared in the living room.

“I thought you couldn’t make it,” she said to him as he sat next to her, placing a bottle of tequila he brought on the coffee table in front of them. She gave him a look of appreciation and smiled at him for remembering her absolute favorite drink.

“I pushed a few things around to make time for my favorite nemesis,” Roan smirked at her, reminding her of their inside joke from the time they first met. Even after becoming such good friends, they liked to tease each other about being rivals because their clients used to be on opposite sides.

Raven leaned against his shoulder as Murphy hit play and opening credits started.

“Hey, have you heard from Blake tonight?” Roan asked, his voice almost a whisper so he wouldn’t disturb the others who were focused on the movie.

The brunette’s forehead wrinkled in confusion. “No, why?”

“I tried to reach out to Clarke to fill her in on the details about the Europe trip, you know,” after Raven nodded to confirm she knew what he was talking about, he continued, “and she wasn’t picking up. And I know that Harper had a birthday party tonight so I figured…”

Raven gasped, cutting him off. She lifted her head from his shoulder to look at him. “You think they’re together?”

Roan just smirked in response.

“It’s not even midnight yet, the party is probably still lasting,” Raven said, unconvinced in Roan’s theory.

He shrugged. “But why wouldn’t they answer our calls?”

He managed to intrigue her. Halfway through the movie, she had to remind herself to pay attention to the TV screen instead of thinking about Bellamy and Clarke.

 

* * *

 

Clarke stared at the canvas with a frown on her face. She wasn’t happy with what she had just made. Back at her stared an angry painting, made with thick layers of grey and black and a few splashes of dark red which resembled drops of blood.

When she stood in front of the blank canvas and started painting an hour earlier, she had no idea what she wanted to paint. All she knew was that her hand itched, eager to create. So she did. She didn’t think about what she was doing, she let her hand do its thing and it came out…ugly.

She made an abstract painting, which was unusual for her. Even when her works were abstract, they were rarely any good.

Clarke knew she was upset when she came into the room she made her atelier, but she didn’t know she was that upset. She never painted when she wasn’t feeling something strong. She always needed to be either ecstatic or very sad or furious or just strongly impacted by something she saw or experienced.

This time, it was a combination of things. She had another fight with Lexa that day, followed by a very disturbing phone call from her mother. Even though she was used to the fights, each one managed to push Clarke off the edge, make her reconsider their entire relationship which was barely even a relationship anymore. They barely saw each other anymore and when they did, they always fought. The main reason they were still officially together was because the public really liked them as a couple and they increased each other’s popularity. Which was a stupid reason to stay together, but Clarke wasn’t able to find courage to break it off. She was angry enough as it was after she almost lost her voice yelling at Lexa, but then her mother called her and made the situation even worse.

 

_“_ _Hey, mom,_ _”_ _she tried to sound as cheery as possible, trying to avoid Abby_ _’_ _s suspicion._

_“_ _Hey sweetheart. I just wanted to check in, see how you were doing._ _”_

_Clarke was 99% sure that was a lie and that her mother was going to ask a favor of her after they were done with small talk. But she decided not to say anything and pretend her mother was telling the truth for at least a few minutes._

_“_ _I_ _’_ _m doing great._ _”_ _So much for almost calling out her mother for lying._ _“_ _I have a day off work and I_ _’_ _m just chillin_ _’_ _._ _”_

_“_ _You deserve it, Clarke. You really do. You_ _’_ _ve been working so much lately,_ _”_ _Abby responded, but Clarke felt like something was off. Her mom_ _’_ _s voice was hoarse and she sounded distant, like she was half-assing the conversation and instead focusing on something else._

_“_ _What_ _’_ _s new with you?_ _”_ _Clarke asked, deciding to ignore the tiny voice in her head telling her something was wrong._

_“_ _Oh, nothing special,_ _”_ _Abby_ _’_ _s voice faltered a little again._ _“_ _Your father and I hosted a luncheon for some associates last Saturday and Thelonious was there, among others. He told us about how successful Wells was. Did you know he recently got a job at the mayor_ _’_ _s office?_ _”_

_“_ _Yes, I knew,_ _”_ _Clarke rolled her eyes. Thelonious Jaha always liked to brag about Wells, even though his son was a very modest person who didn_ _’_ _t like attention. And Abby always liked to point Wells_ _’_ _success to Clarke, secretly implying he would make a perfect match for Clarke._

_“_ _Anyway, it_ _’_ _s Thelonious_ _’_ _birthday in two weeks and he invited us all to dinner, including you,_ _”_ _she pointed out in her usual passive-aggressive manner._ _“_ _And Wells will be there, too._ _”_

_Clarke let out a groan, not even bothering to be polite anymore._ _“_ _First of all, mom, I won_ _’_ _t even be in the city in two weeks because I_ _’_ _m leaving for Europe, which you obviously forgot,_ _”_ _she lashed out, her voice rising._ _“_ _And secondly, Wells is one of my best friends. Of course I know he got a job at the mayor_ _’_ _s office! We talk almost every day! You clearly missed that fact, too! And I_ _’_ _m asking you_ _–_ _no, begging you_ _–_ _to stop trying to set me up with him! Also, I_ _’_ _m in a relationship. You seem to be forgetting a lot of things today._ _”_

_What she didn_ _’_ _t mention was that Wells also had a girlfriend who wasn_ _’_ _t exactly_ _“_ _upper-class_ _”_ _, as her mother often put it, but Clarke figured she_ _’_ _d already pushed enough of Abby_ _’_ _s buttons for one day._

_Abby was silent for a moment before responding._

_“_ _Really, Clarke? That_ _’_ _s still going on?_ _”_ _She asked, disappointment clear in her voice._

_“_ _Yes, mom,_ _”_ _the blonde rolled her eyes like her mother could see her._ _“_ _I don_ _’_ _t know why you always have the need to meddle in my love life. I_ _’_ _m 28 years old. I_ _’_ _m afraid that_ _’_ _s not your business anymore._ _”_ _Not that it was ever any of her business._

_“_ _I know honey, but I just want what_ _’_ _s best for you._ _”_

_Clarke mouthed the words along with her mom, already knowing what she was going to say. Almost every of their conversations ended in Abby saying that._

_Before Clarke had the chance to respond, her mother went into a coughing fit on the other line which lasted for quite a while._

_“_ _Are you okay?_ _”_ _Clarke asked, all the irritation replaced with worry all of a sudden._

_“_ _I_ _’_ _m fine. Just a cold,_ _”_ _Abby said, trying to sound positive, but failing._ _“_ _I hope you_ _’_ _ll visit us before going to Europe._ _”_

_The blonde felt relieved that the conversation was nearing to an end._

_“_ _Of course. I wouldn_ _’_ _t miss it._ _”_

 

Clarke wiped her forehead which was drenched in cold sweat, especially after replaying the conversation between her and Abby in her head.

She was still staring at the dark mess before her, studying the harsh brush strokes, trying to figure out what they meant, but failing miserably.

Her eyes wandered to her right, to the painting she made more than a week ago, when she was feeling completely different things. Even though it was completely dry, she still left it on display for some reason.

The painting showed Octavia, Bellamy’s sister who she knew for just a few weeks, but already felt a strong connection to. She painted her as a warrior, with braids in her hair and war paint around her eyes and on her cheeks. Even though she appeared sensitive and vulnerable and caring at first, Octavia was really a strong and determined girl with amazing personality. Clarke got to know her better as they started working together on designs for Clarke’s red carpet dresses. Other than being an incredibly interesting person, Octavia was a very talented and extraordinary designer.

Clarke stared at the painting of Octavia for a long time. She remembered being very pleased with it when she created it, being driven by her amazement with the girl. She admired her courage and strength and passion and she couldn’t help but paint her.

When she snapped out of the trance, she forced herself to look back at her most recent work. She stared at it with disgust, considering throwing it in a trash. But for some reason she decided to keep it as a reminder of how miserable she felt in that exact moment.

After she realized she was still holding the paintbrush soaked in paint, she threw it on the floor forcefully, splattering the paper-covered floor with bloodred dots. She thought it looked more like a crime scene than an atelier.

Without even bothering to clean the room and the brushes, as she usually did, Clarke headed for the door, not being able to look at the monstrosity she made anymore.

When she emerged from the shower after scrubbing the paint from her hands and hair, she reached for her phone. Ignoring all the missed calls and messages she received while painting, she quickly scrolled through her inbox and when she found the name she was looking for, she wrote a simple text.

**Hey, you free tonight?**

He responded immediately,

**…** **Yes?**

**Great. Wanna get hammered?**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmm I'm wondering what those two are gonna do all alone...
> 
> find me on tumblr! (url: blakeesgriffin)


	7. Feeling Hopeless I Look For Distraction, I Go Searching For You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BELIZA IS MARRIED THIS IS NOT A DRILL I REPEAT BELIZA IS MARRIED  
> I still can't believe it guys and I've been on absolute high since Saturday!!!! Are you as happy as I am??   
> Also can you believe my fiction sort of became true but only in the form of Beliza?? wTF 
> 
> This has been a glorious week so I'll let you enjoy some Bellarke smut :)

“Seriously?” Bellamy opened the door, wearing only sweatpants. “I thought you were messing with me when you said you were coming over.”

Clarke stared at him, unaware of her gaping mouth. Even though she’d seen him shirtless numerous times on set, she couldn’t help but stare at his perfect torso. Because this was different, they weren’t surrounded by cameras and crew screaming at them what to do.

She forced herself to look up at his face and ruffled hair. His eyes were a bit squinty and he looked like he just woke up from a nap, even though it was 10 pm. But hey, Clarke wasn’t the one to judge. She’s done a lot of weird shit on her days off.

“I don’t mess around when there’s booze involved, Blake,” she stated, waving a bottle of vodka in front of his face to prove her point.

Without waiting for his invite, she walked past him and inside his house.

“Wow, nice place you have here,” Clarke whistled, scanning the rooms she could see from the entrance for more people. She almost huffed in relief when she realized Bellamy had no company.

“Are you already drunk?” Bellamy’s eyebrows scrunched together in confusion as he shut the door behind her and followed her to the living room.

Clarke’s head whipped in his direction and she gave him a nasty look. “What? No!” She plopped down onto the couch, took of her shoes and put her feet on the coffee table. “You just haven’t seen me in my most casual form, that’s all.”

He crossed his arms on his chest, an amused smirk playing on his lips as he eyed her from head to toe. She was wearing ripped jean-shorts and an old pain-splatted T-shirt which she loved very much.

“Hey!” She exclaimed, seeing the look on his face. “Don’t judge me. It’s my weekend off, too!”

Bellamy laughed, throwing his head back. It was a first honest laughter Clarke had seen from him in a while. They haven’t really been spending time outside of work ever since that time after Harper’s party when they picked Octavia up. And after her failed painting session, Clarke realized she had really missed spending time with someone who she could be herself with. So she texted Bellamy.

He raised his arms in defense and sat next to her. “Not judging. What do you feel like watching?”

He picked up the remote and scrolled through Netflix.

Clarke shrugged, opening a bottle of vodka she brought. “Don’t care. I came here to drink.” She took a long swig straight out of the bottle and handed it to him.

Bellamy held the bottle in his hand without drinking. “Is that all you came here to do?”

The blonde felt her body tense when she noticed the dark look in his eyes. She tried to avoid admitting the truth to herself – that she didn’t come just because she needed a drinking buddy.

Instead of replying, she snatched the remote from him and continued scrolling without purpose.

After a few minutes of silence and them passing the vodka to each other, Clarke couldn’t take it anymore.

“Do you ever intend to put on a shirt?” She threw her arms up in exasperation.

“Why? Is it too distracting for you, Princess?” He asked cockily, taking a sip from the bottle, but not taking his eyes off her.

“Fuck you,” she said with a smirk on her face, still avoiding his gaze and pretending to be very into choosing what to watch. She finally settled for Friends. It was safe, fun and most importantly, not too romantic so it wouldn’t seem like they were on a date. Which they totally weren’t. She just reached out to him because she was bored on a Saturday night.

“Did Raven fill you in on the Europe trip? We’re supposed to be leaving next Thursday,” she tried to lighten the mood by discussing something safe, like work in this case.

For the first time since their show aired, they were going to do a Europe tour because, apparently, they had a lot of European fans. They were supposed to start with a convention in Berlin, then move on to Amsterdam and finish in London. The trip should last for almost two weeks and Clarke was very excited to get away from the craziness at home for a while.

Bellamy cleared his throat and averted his gaze from the TV to look at her. “Yeah. And Diyoza finally decided to go as well so that’s great. She’ll be the voice of reason when we start talking nonsense in interviews.”

She chuckled, completely agreeing with him. “I know, right? I never know where to stop when revealing spoilers.”

He shook his head, laughing. “Me neither.” He was quiet for some time before continuing. “It’s going to be nice to hang out, though. Both with fans and the rest of the crew, to spend some time outside the set. I’m really excited,” he admitted, leaning his head against the back of the couch.

More than half a bottle later, Bellamy’s hand found Clarke’s bare knee as they laughed wholeheartedly about something. Clarke didn’t protest as it advanced up her thigh, feeling that already familiar fire waking up within her.

He must’ve heard her breathing speed up because he turned his head to look at her and asked “Wanna go upstairs?”

She just nodded, following his movement as he stood up and offered her his hand. She grabbed it and let him lead her up the stairs to his bedroom, lit by a single lamp on his nightstand.

Deep down, Clarke knew what they were doing was wrong. But it didn’t feel wrong to be around him. It didn’t feel wrong to seek him out for comfort when she was upset, just like she did earlier that night when she didn’t know what else to do.

“We finally have a bed,” she noticed, smirking, stumbling a bit on her words. Her head was dizzy from a mixture of vodka and the sight of Bellamy, standing in front of her bare-chested and beautiful.

He nodded, a devilish grin spreading across his face as he approached her, putting his hands carefully on her waist. He didn’t come too close, like he was still waiting for her permission, as if he hadn’t already had one.

When she ran her fingers slowly down his bare arms, it seemed to be enough for him. He closed the distance between them in a second, locking her lips with his. His fingers played with the hem of her shirt as she explored every inch of his torso with her hands. She leaned down and left a trail of kisses along his chest, collarbone and neck, biting slightly at his jaw before helping him taking off her shirt.

When he hastily removed her bra, Bellamy had to pause slightly to take in the sight of Clarke’s marvelous breasts. He had to touch them out of pure instinct. He cupped each one with his hands and squeezed and flicked her hard nipples with his thumbs until he heard Clarke inhale sharply. He smiled before leaning down to lick her sensitive nipples slowly, feeling her grip on his shoulders strengthening.

He looked up and saw the impatient look on her face as she fisted his hair with one hand to pull him closer for a short, but powerful kiss.

“Bed. Now.” She demanded, her breathing already increasing rapidly.

Bellamy chuckled at her eagerness, but was glad to oblige. He pushed her gently toward the bed and laid her on it, smiling at the sight of her sprawled naked on his king-sized bed. Well, not completely naked. Not yet. But that could be solved easily.

He climbed up after her, his knees resting between her legs. He took off both her shorts and panties in one swift movement and started leaving trails of lazy kisses down her stomach then along her inner thighs until his lips reached her already wet center. Her back arched at the first stroke of Bellamy’s tongue against her core.

She moaned without restraint while he licked and licked until she completely fell apart in front of him, sending a wave of satisfaction through him.

“Don’t worry, I’m not done with you yet,” he grinned as she still struggled for breath, her head resting on the stack of pillows. He fumbled with the waistband on his sweatpants before taking them off completely.

Clarke wiped a coat of sweat from her forehead, grinning back at him. “You better not be.”

“Wait, you weren’t wearing underwear this entire time? Gross,” she asked when he took off his pants, revealing his bulging erection.

Instead of responding, he grinded against her, his hot skin pressing against hers when there were finally no more layers of clothing keeping them apart. “Oh yeah, is this gross?” He teased, grinding himself against her sensitive clit.

Clarke gave up talking at that very moment, not being able to focus on forming words anymore. She needed to have him inside of her more than she needed air.

So when he pushed inside of her, her walls welcoming his formidable length, she let out a shaky moan and pressed her sweaty forehead against Bellamy’s shoulder. It seemed to have pushed him in the right direction because he let out a guttural, almost animalistic growl as he started to move faster, deeper.

Clarke thought she might fall apart with each thrust. When she briefly opened her eyes and saw Bellamy’s head thrown back, his eyes closed and mouth slightly opened, she was almost done. She couldn’t help but lift her hand and push his curly hair back from his forehead where beads of sweat formed, making him look at her.

He didn’t break eye contact which made things even more heated and intense. It didn’t take Clarke much longer to reach another climax, followed by Bellamy soon after. He collapsed on top of her, his body resting on hers as they both tried to catch their breaths. Although he felt heavy against her, she felt incredibly relaxed, all of the frustration from the horrid day she had forgotten, even if it was only for a brief period of time.

Her lips brushed softly against his collarbone as a show of silent appreciation for him, for relieving her of tension and making her day a lot better, even if he knew nothing about her problems.

In response, Bellamy pressed a loud kiss on her cheek as he climbed off her and his head hit the neighboring pillow, his eyelids closing.

Suddenly, a wave of exhaustion washed over Clarke. She knew that staying the night wasn’t a good idea and that she should get up and leave, but her body didn’t feel like moving anymore. Instead she welcomed the sweet ache of her limbs and let her mind shut out completely, sleep taking over her.

 

* * *

 

The first few seconds after waking up are the best. You leave the word of dreams and move towards reality, but you’re neither here or there, floating somewhere in between until you blink away sleepiness and you become fully awake.

When Clarke woke up, it took her a few moments to conjure up memories from the previous day and then another few to take in her surroundings. She couldn’t tell the time because the heavy curtains were closed shut, letting no light through. Which was convenient because her head throbbed from all the vodka she had drunk the night before. The only source of light was a small lamp on the nightstand which apparently remained lit the entire night.

She sneaked a peak at her left only to see completely naked Bellamy still fast asleep next to her. She felt the heat creep up to her cheeks as her eyes wandered from his peaceful-looking face to his firm chest and toned stomach and then lower, much lower. The blonde shook her head, not wanting to let herself get distracted by him once again. Sleeping over at his house was a bad move and not leaving before he woke up would be even worse.

She forced herself to stand up, searching for her phone. She found it on the floor, next to her abandoned shorts and unlocked it while simultaneously putting on her underwear and pants. It was almost 10 am. Clarke couldn’t remember the last time she slept for more than six hours.

She had four missed calls and a bunch of texts, but she decided to ignore them for the time being, shoving the phone in the small pocket on the back of her shorts.

Just as she retrieved her bra from the nearby armchair and put it on, Bellamy started to stir on the bed.

“Fuck,” she muttered to herself, realizing she didn’t have enough time to execute her planned escape, especially since her shirt was yet to be found. Or maybe she could leave without the shirt. It would probably take around five seconds for her half-naked picture to end up on all social media.

“Leaving so soon?”

While she spent precious time mulling over what to do, he woke up. He was watching her with an amused look on his face, his head cocked to the side as he hoisted himself up on his elbows, his forearms resting on the bed.

He didn’t even bother to cover himself up, earning himself an exaggerated eyeroll from Clarke.

“Not soon enough,” she responded, standing at the foot of the bed with her hands on her hips. “Staying the night isn’t usually entailed in…” she paused, searching for the right word, “arrangements such as ours.”

Bellamy raised his eyebrows. “Arrangements?” He asked, on the verge of laughter. “So this is an arrangement?” His hand made a back-and-forth gesture in the space between them.

Clarke suddenly got all flustered, running her hand through her hair. “No! I mean…” she started pacing around to avoid his burning gaze. “You can’t really call it an arrangement if it’s casual, right?”

He chuckled, ending her misery. “Relax, Clarke,” he said between laughter. “I’m just messing with you. I don’t need us to DTR or anything.”

She blew out a breath of relief.

“Good. I’m going to leave now. I just need to find…”

“This?” He interrupted, Clarke’s shirt dangling on his index finger. He threw it at her as she looked at him in appreciation.

She pulled it over her head and headed for the door.

“Hey, Princess?”

She turned around to look at him as he called out, stealing another glance at his gloriousness as she did so.

“See you tomorrow at the set,” he winked.

Although she could already feel guilt washing over her, she felt her insides yearning to go back into that bed with him. She shook it off, but couldn’t help but grin at him. “Yeah. See ya.”

 

* * *

 

Octavia arrived at the set where her brother was working just in time for lunch. She rolled out of bed merely an hour before after staying up until dawn to work on her designs. Ever since Clarke started helping her and pushing her in the right direction, Octavia had been swamped with work. Not that she minded. 

Her stomach grumbled, reminding her once again she hadn’t yet eaten. And since she got very grumpy when she was hungry, she was determined to find Bellamy as soon as possible. They agreed to meet for lunch to spend some time together before he had to leave for Europe. Although the trip was in nine days, Octavia knew she wouldn’t be able to catch another break from work and Bellamy was going to be busy with packing and wrapping up the first part of season 2.

Since her brother wasn’t picking up his phone, Octavia checked his dressing room and hallways of the building they filmed in, but unsuccessfully. Just when she started to get frustrated because she couldn’t find a familiar face, she spotted Monty strolling down the hallway. Octavia knew him from the café Bellamy often took her to. It was called Jonty’s and Monty was one of the owners, along with his best friend Jasper who was a huge dork and had become one of Octavia’s closest friends.

Monty was also headed for the set to visit his girlfriend Harper and he obviously knew where he was going, unlike Octavia who joined him. Harper immediately spotted them as they walked in and rushed towards Monty to kiss him fondly on the cheek.

While the pair greeted each other, Octavia looked around the set. She’d been to movie and TV sets before. This one wasn’t anything special. She spotted her brother in the distance, sitting on the couch of the set that was supposed to be someone’s living room on the show. He was sitting next to a younger man who Octavia didn’t recognize. She figured he must’ve been a new addition to the cast who was yet not introduced in the episodes showed on TV.

Octavia didn’t find any of that unordinary. But there was someone who managed to catch her eye. He was standing next to Bellamy and this other actor, looking down on them and explaining something, probably giving them directions. He was very tall, dark and very, very sexy. He was wearing fitted jeans that made his ass look like something Octavia would very much like to slap and a tight dark T-shirt which wrapped around his muscles in a delicious way, revealing a string of tattoos on his forearms.

The brunette couldn’t take her eyes off him as he finished talking to Bellamy and returned to the chair behind the cameras, looking very graceful and majestic as he walked. He mumbled directions at the cameramen and bowed his head to check the notes in his lap.

“Yo Harper,” Octavia elbowed the blonde girl, interrupting her conversation with Monty. “Who’s that tall glass of water?”

She tilted her head in his direction, but Harper knew already who she was talking about. “Oh, that’s Lincoln Woods, our new director,” she crossed her arms and followed Octavia’s gaze. “Damn fine, isn’t he?”

Behind them, Monty pointedly cleared his throat, but both girls waved him off.

“I’d jump his bones right here and right now,” Octavia mumbled, still staring at him. “What’s his deal? Is he single?”

Harper shrugged, but before she had the chance to answer the other girl’s question, she was gone, already heading for the director’s chair Lincoln was sitting in.

 “Hello,” Octavia said, making the man look up from the paper he was studying. She beamed at him, flipping her hair back nonchalantly. She had beautiful features and she was quite well aware of it, but Lincoln seemed to notice it too since his dark eyes widened a little at the sight of her.

“I’m Octavia Blake, Bellamy’s sister. I was told you were in charge here.”

He chuckled, producing a warm sound which reached Octavia’s heart. Like she wasn’t already smitten enough.

“You could say that. I’m directing this episode,” he explained. “Lincoln Woods,” he extended his hand which she gladly took. “Nice to meet you, Octavia.”

She liked hearing her name roll of his lips so much that she almost forgot what she had planned to ask him in the first place.

“So I was wondering if you could speed this whole process up a bit?” She pointed to where the two actors were filming, resting her other hand casually on the back of his chair. “Bellamy has promised to take me out to lunch.”

“Well, we only have the last part of the scene to film before Bellamy is free for the day and that shouldn’t last long. Do you think you could stick around for a few more minutes?” Lincoln asked, smiling at her, not breaking eye contact. Unlike most of the directors Octavia had met so far, he was extremely nice and not arrogant at all. Most of them would tell her to get lost.

“Hmm,” she pretended to be considering his request. “There is one thing that might make waiting a little easier.”

“Name it.”

Octavia leaned closer to his face so no one except for him could hear her. “If you gave me your number.”

Lincoln laughed, throwing his head back. “Smooth,” he said, already writing on the bottom of the paper he was holding and ripping the piece so he could hand it to her. She got a feeling that he would ask for her number if she hadn’t done it first.

When she looked up, she saw that Bellamy finally noticed her. He was giving her a suspicious look, his eyes narrowed as he watched her giggling next to Lincoln.

Octavia just waved at her brother, smiling innocently as she returned to where Monty and Harper were standing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been years and I still can't get over Lincoln :((( At least he'll be getting a happy ending in my story! 
> 
> Let me know your thoughts on this chapter :) How close are these two to catching feelings?


	8. Don't Walk Away, Don't Roll Your Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this update took longer than usual, but I was super busy since I passed my exams and got a summer job. I literally haven't been on my laptop for weeks but I finally found some time to upload!  
> I hope you like this chapter and don't hesitate to leave me your thoughts! xo

Clarke stood in front of her parents’ house, mustering up the courage to ring the doorbell. Even though she was on pretty good terms with her folks (well, as good as it gets), she was still anxious about visiting them. Their relationship became strained when she moved away. Her parents, specifically her mom, weren’t exactly on board with her becoming an actress in the first place. Of course they came around when they saw how good at her job Clarke was, but they never managed to go back to being exactly as they were when she was still living with them.

After taking a few deep breaths, she rang. When the door opened, she felt relieved that it was her dad who it revealed, not her mom.

A big smile appeared on Jake’s face as he spotted her, pulling her in a tight hug. Her dad’s hugs always made Clarke feel nostalgic, reminding her of simpler times when his arms could make all the worries go away. She wished for it to be that easy again.

“You have no idea how happy I am to see you, Clarkey,” her dad said, keeping an arm around her as they strolled inside the house. “I feel like we see more of you on TV than in person these days.”

“I know,” Clarke sighed, a hint of sadness coating her voice.

She loved her job and all that came with it, but sometimes she just wished she could be the little girl who went to the movies and watched soccer games with her dad again.

“Hopefully when I get back from Europe we can spend more time together,” she said to him as they entered the dining room where her mother was finishing placing food on the table.

When Abby lifted her gaze from the table and directed it to Clarke, she had to step back to recover from the shock. It hadn’t even been a month since she last saw her mother and yet it seemed like forever. Her skin was way paler than normal, her hair streaked with grey which was very unusual for Abby who dyed her hair all the time. Her eyes seemed to have sunk deeper into their sockets and she was much skinnier than the last time Clarke saw her.

As her mother pulled her in a hug, Clarke could feel the bones in her back sticking out prominently.

“Mom, what’s wrong?” The blonde asked, her voice laced with concern. “Why are you so skinny? Are you sick?”

“Oh honey,” Abby laughed, running her hand down Clarke’s cheek like she was four years old. “Of course not. I haven’t lost that much weight, really. I’m glad to see you worry about your mother, but you really don’t have to.”

She scurried back to the kitchen, muttering something about checking the desert and cleaning herself up before they started eating.

As soon as she was gone, Clarke turned to her father.

“Dad!” She exclaimed, not having to say anything else.

Jake gestured her to sit down. He sighed, propping his elbows on the table.

“I’m afraid your mother has had some trouble adjusting after her back surgery. She experienced some insufferable pain immediately after coming home from the hospital and she needed help. So she took this new medication we’ve developed, but it hasn’t quite been completely tested yet. And she’s been experiencing some unpleasant side-effects.”

Multiple crazy thought started running through Clarke’s head. She wasn’t stupid. Even though she didn’t follow her parents’ footsteps and go to medical school, she knew that the problem wasn’t in the new medication, but in the amount her mother took. And she had to be taking a lot because her physical and mental state changed drastically in just a few weeks. The Griffins owned a pharmaceutical company which meant unlimited access to drugs. When Clarke though of what might happen if Abby decided not to pull herself together, she felt chills all over her body.

Clarke wanted to both roll her eyes at her dad for talking to her like she was some client of his and scream at him for letting things get out of hand. After taking a few deep breaths, she decided not to do either, especially when she saw the broken look on Jake’s face.

She reached for her dad’s hand and squeezed. “Dad, you need to help her. And I don’t mean in a week or two, I mean you need to help her _now_. Before it’s too late,” her voice broke a little in the end.

“I don’t want to put all this burden on you, but there’s really no way that I could stick around to help her right now, you know that. But I’ll make sure to check in every day and help as much as I can while being gone.”

Jake looked lost for just a few more seconds, but when he looked up after blinking a few times, his eyes were as clear as a day. There was determination in his eyes as he squeezed Clarke’s hand.

“Don’t you worry about a thing, sweetheart. You have so many things to worry about and this shouldn’t be one of them. I will handle your mother. I promised to take care of her in our vows, didn’t I? That’s what I intend to do.”

Clarke nodded to try to convince her dad that he had managed to calm her down. In reality, she was choking back tears.

They were forced to stop their conversation when Abby came back from the kitchen, looking unnaturally cheerful. Clarke plastered a smile on her face, but the feeling of concern and guilt stuck around.

 

* * *

 

“I spoke to Marcus today,” Bellamy said, balancing the phone between his ear and shoulder while simultaneously stuffing his clothes in the enormous suitcase spread open on his bedroom floor. “He said he’s driving to LA to have lunch with us once I get back from my trip. He says he needs to talk to us.”

“Do you think it’s about mom?” Octavia asked from the other end of the line, her voice laced with concern. Bellamy could literally hear her biting her nails, but he chose not to chide her for it.

“Maybe,” he shrugged, trying to sound as relaxed as possible for the sake of his sister, even though dread started to pool in the bottom of his stomach.

 “We haven’t had any news in a while, Bell. The last few times I went to see her, she didn’t even recognize me.”

Octavia’s voice faltered as she failed to produce any more words, making Bellamy’s heart clench.

“I know, O,” he let out a sigh, giving up packing. He shoved one last pair of jeans in the suitcase and sat on the floor next to it, running his hands through his messy hair. “But there’s nothing we can do about it. We’ve done everything in our power to help her. What happens next isn’t up to us and you have to be aware of that.”

Octavia was silent for a long moment. “I am. Of course I am,” she repeated as if trying to convince not only her brother, but also herself.

Bellamy cleared his throat, desperate for a change of topic.

“So, do you have any plans for the weekend?”

“Yeah um, I do actually.”

She hesitated for a moment before continuing. “Lincoln’s taking me away for the weekend to a spa of some sort, I believe.”

Bellamy blinked for a few seconds, processing the information in his head. Then all of a sudden it all came rushing in as words exploded out of him.

 “LINCOLN?!” He growled, grateful for not having any neighbors who would hear his outburst. “As in Lincoln Woods, my director??? What is wrong with you, Octavia? Are you out of your fucking mind?”

“What the hell is wrong with Lincoln?” Octavia started screaming in her phone, the volume of her voice almost matching her brother’s.

They had been like that ever since Octavia was able to talk. They loved each other unconditionally and would die for each other, but when they got into an argument, they didn’t spare each other. It was because of their matching personalities. Neither of them ever wanted to give up.

“First of all, he is way too old for you! He has to be at least ten years older than you!”

Bellamy got up from his position on the floor and started pacing around the room.

 “Lincoln is 37 and I’m 26. There’s nothing wrong with that. We’re both consensual adults,” his sister stated. “Do you have any more problems?”

“Uh, yes!!” He threw his hands up in the air, still not lowering his voice. “You met him last week. You don’t even know him and you’re already going away with him? Has all reason left you?”

“Not that it’s any of your business, but we’ve been hanging out almost every night since we met. And in these few days I’ve probably got to know him better than you do. I really like him, Bellamy. I haven’t felt this way in a while.”

Her voice softened a little at the end of the sentence, trying to make Bellamy understand. But Bellamy’s heart wasn’t willing to go soft.

“You say that every time!” He exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air. “You find the biggest idiot around, you fall for him and get your heart shattered to pieces.”

His sister let out a loud groan and he heard the sound of something being thrown on the ground.

“Would you call Lincoln an idiot?”

He didn’t respond immediately, which gave Octavia even more courage to push her arguments on him.

“There you go! Bellamy, you know that I appreciate everything you did for me,” she said. “But you also tend to act overprotective and ruin something potentially beautiful for me, like with Atom. Please don’t ruin this for me.”

Her voice got quieter and gentler as she spoke and just as Bellamy reached the verge of breaking, she had to mention a blast from the past.

“Atom??” he roared. “Atom was a criminal and a liar. I can’t believe you’re still blaming me for making you see that.”

He heard Octavia let out a sound as she wanted to say something, but he wouldn’t let her have it.

“No, Octavia. I can’t approve of what you’re doing. I don’t even care anymore. Do whatever the hell you want, but don’t come crying to me when you get hurt.”

“Fine. Thanks for your support, big brother,” Octavia snapped, every trace of softness gone from her voice. With that, she hung up the phone.

* * *

 

 

Merely a few hours later, he had to board the plane and leave for Berlin with the rest of the crew. If he had any choice, he would had opted no to go, but he knew a fight with his sister was not a valid reason for canceling what was technically a business trip.

He sat reluctantly in a seat next to Clarke and didn’t say a word for the first twenty minutes of the flight. He tried to fall asleep, but memories of his fight with Octavia kept poking at his brain. If there was one thing he loathed, it was fighting with her. It made him feel incredibly agitated and miserable at the same time.

“What’s wrong with you?”

Clarke’s voice interrupted his thoughts and made him stop fidgeting with his safety belt to look at her. She looked annoyed, staring at him with a frown forming on her forehead.

He raised his eyebrow in question.

“You’ve been brooding ever since we got on the plane. You’ve been squirming in your seat the entire freaking time and I can literally feel the tension radiating off you. So you either tell me what it is and calm down or move somewhere else. Because it’s getting really irritating.”

Bellamy huffed and banged his head against the back of his seat. He stayed silent for a while, mulling over whether he felt up to telling Clarke the truth or not.

She probably gave up on waiting for an answer, but he spoke eventually. “It’s my sister. She’s being reckless and stupid again.”

Clarke groaned, making him jump a little in surprise. “Is this about Lincoln?”

“How the hell do you know about that?”

“Octavia and I are friends. And friends talk.”

He rolled his eyes at her condescending tone.

“And what did she tell you?”

“Just that she was afraid of how you’d react when she told you about him. And based on your behavior right now, I’d say she told you and that her fears were justified,” Clarke shrugged, inspecting him with a judgy look.

Bellamy shook his head in frustration. “You don’t know her like I do, Clarke. She’s done this many times before. She always rushes into things with guys and shit gets ugly. It’s usually some douchebag and she gets hurt in the worst way possible. And every single time I’m the one who has to pull her out of it and I’m so fucking tired of it.”

“She’s a grown woman, Bellamy. And you have to let her finally make her own decisions,” the blonde stated, not breaking her gaze on him.

“How can I do that when I know she’s not capable of making decisions that are good for her?”

“How can you say that?” Clarke raised her voice as he clearly stuck a nerve with what he had said. “You and your sister are leading two different lives. You can’t possibly know what’s good for her. Stop meddling in her love life.”

“And you stop meddling in my relationship with my sister!” Bellamy snapped, suddenly getting very angry and seeing red. He found that he was no longer able to choose words coming out of his mouth.

“You have no idea what I had to get through to get her where she is right now. She’s been my responsibility from the day she was born and it’s my responsibility if she fucks up her life. You act all smart, bringing up making good decisions for yourself like you’re the one to talk.”

Clarke blinked a few times like she was trying to figure out if she heard him right. “What are you talking about?”

“You know very well what I’m talking about, Clarke,” he said directly to her face, each word sharp as a knife. “You have no right to give other people life advice when you’re not capable of getting your own life in order.”

He unbuckled his belt and got up to sit somewhere else. It was his second argument of the day and even though he knew he should feel like he had won, all he felt was emptiness.

 

Clarke noticed someone take Bellamy’s place only a few moments after he left, but she didn’t bother to check who it was. She leaned her head on the cold window glass, trying to wrap her mind around what happened. He got angry with her for the stupidest reason and then called her out for something she didn’t want to think about at all. And then he made her think about it, making her angry with him as well. 

“Trouble in paradise?”

She turned away from the window when she heard the voice of her dear manager who had always gladly accompanied her to wherever she went.

“Oh, don’t give me that look,” Roan rolled his eyes. “They don’t call me Mr. Perceptive for no reason.”

It was then Clarke’s turn to roll her eyes. “Who calls you that?”

“People,” he shrugged. “Seriously now. What’s going on with you two?”

“Nothing,” the blonde whispered, looking around to make sure no one was listening. “I have a girlfriend, Roan.”

“Do you now?” His eyes pierced through her, almost making her shiver. His demeanor was calm, but powerful. It sometimes made Clarke a little intimidated by him.

By the time she realized she was taking too long to respond, it was too late and Roan was already prepared to give her one of his lectures. He leaned forward and spoke quietly so only she could hear.

“You need to get your affairs in order, Clarke. Otherwise it’ll blow up and bite you in the ass.”

Clarke hesitated for a while, debating with herself whether do defend herself or just admit the truth. Considering it was Roan she was talking to, she decided to choose the latter.

“I know,” she sighed. “Promise you won’t tell anything?” She looked at him hopefully.

“Of course I won’t,” Roan seemed offended that she would even ask such a thing. “I’m telling you this for your own good. Because I don’t want you to bring bad media attention to yourself or even worse, get hurt.”

She nodded, letting out a shaky breath and placing her hand over Roan’s in appreciation. She was grateful to have a person such as him by her side. He always had her back.

“I’ll deal with it when we get home,” she said before closing her eyes and leaning her head against the back of the seat. “Right now, I just want to sleep.”

The last thing she heard before drifting off was the soothing hum of Roan’s voice as he mumbled the words of understanding to her. He squeezed her hand in comfort once before getting up and letting her replace reality with the world of dreams.


	9. You Are The Light That Is Blinding Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully this chapter makes up for the fact that I suck at updating!   
> Feel free to leave a comment :) Thanks for reading!

“I’m bored. Everyone else is asleep and I don’t know what to do. Entertain me.”

Raven took an earphone out and shot an amused glance at Shaw who plopped down in the seat next to her.

“And what, you can’t sleep?”

“No,” he rubbed his hands together, excitement radiating off him. “This is my first time going to Europe.”

“Really?” She took the other headphone out and put her phone away. “You’ve never been before?”

Shaw chuckled, showing a row of white teeth. “Nah,” he said. “I didn’t really get a chance. I haven’t gotten into real acting until recently, remember?”

Raven puckered her lips, trying to figure out if she was familiar with that information. “No, actually. I don’t know that many things about you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. All I know is that you joined the show in season 2, which was a few months ago. And I’m really not familiar with where you worked before.”

The tone of Raven’s voice indicated that she was genuinely interested and wanted to get to know him. She didn’t really pay much attention to him before, but when Shaw sat next to her on the plane, she realized she was intrigued by him. There was something mysterious about him that drew her to him. Not to mention he was very attractive.

He leaned forward like he was just about to tell her a big secret.

“I was a biker.”

Raven snorted, obviously not taking him seriously until she noticed his expression wasn’t changing.

“You’re being serious,” she stated. “How do you go from being a biker to being an actor in freaking Hollywood? Those two things aren’t even remotely similar.”

Zeke shrugged, stretching his legs in front of him and leaning his head on the back of the seat. He apparently had no intention of leaving Raven’s side for the rest of the flight.

“That’s kind of the point. My parents have both been bikers from before I was born and I was sucked into that kind of lifestyle as soon as I could walk. Eventually I got tired of it and when a woman approached me in a bar and asked if I was interested in doing some modeling for her company, I immediately knew I had to take the chance. And three years later, here I am.”

“Wow. That’s an unusual story,” the brunette found herself leaning unconsciously towards him, wanting to hear more. “I mean, it’s especially unusual because it resulted in success. You don’t often hear stories of amateurs actually succeeding. People usually have to go through a lot of rejections and shitty gigs before being recognized and making it in the industry.”

“Are you saying my case isn’t fair because I got in effortlessly?”

Even though the tone of Shaw’s voice was more challenging than accusing, Raven had the need to defend herself, her shoulders tensing from fear she’d said something to offend the man sitting next to her.

“No!” She protested. “Of course not!”

She let out a sigh of relief when she realized that Shaw wasn’t at all offended.

“I’m saying you’re where you are right now because of pure talent, which is rare,” she flashed him a wide smile, earning herself a mirroring grin from him.

A thought plopped inside Raven’s head as she realized how contagious his warmth and positivity was. Even though she barely knew him, she thought that it would be very easy to call him her friend. He seemed like a genuinely nice and warmhearted person, the kind that was rarely found.

 They were beaming at each other wordlessly for what seemed like an eternity until Shaw decided to be the first to speak again.

“Listen, I’m not going to beat around the bush too much. I want to be straightforward with you because you seem like the kind of person who appreciates straightforwardness.”

Raven narrowed her eyes at him, getting a sense of where he was going.

“I’ve admired you from afar before you even knew I existed and now that I got to know you I’m even more…”

“Wait,” she held up her palm at him, cutting him off. “I have to stop you right there. You’re trying to ask me if I wanted to be your manager, right?”

She didn’t even let him speak when he opened his mouth to respond.

“I’m going to save you some time and tell you that I have way too many clients already and can’t take new ones right now, no matter how talented and promising they might be.”

Even though she lowkey gave him a compliment, the tone of her voice was stern and determined.

“Are you through?”

Shaw was watching her with amusement, his arms crossed over his chest.

“I wasn’t trying to hire you, silly,” he chuckled. “I was trying to ask you out.”

Raven remained speechless at that, which was a rare occurrence. She stared at him with a stunned expression, trying to form words. She stayed silent for so long that it would had been awkward had he not chose to spoke again.

“Don’t look so surprised. I really like you. And I know we don’t know each other well, but for some reason I find myself drawn to you. And I’d like to find out if my predicaments about you are true or not.”

She wouldn’t admit it to him or herself, but Raven started to realize she reciprocated that feeling of attraction. And not just physical, but also mental and emotional attraction, which seemed to be much stronger.

Raven’s brain conjured up a memory from a few days before. She remembered her conversation with Murphy, how he told her he had genuinely though about being with her before he Emori came back to his life. He told her how he and Emori dated when they were still in high school and he never thought he could fall in love with her all over again. How there were many things holding him back from telling Raven how he really felt before and how he sometimes regretted not telling her. But there was nothing to do anymore besides for both of them to move on.

Raven would be lying if she said it didn’t hurt. But it gave her closure with Murphy. It made her stop wondering about what could’ve been. It gave her a sense of relief and knowledge that she was free to move on, without anything holding her back.

But she didn’t feel ready to move on just yet. Even though Shaw made her feel very special, she felt it wouldn’t be fair to him if she said yes to going on a date with him. Not yet.

She shook her head, unable to believe she was about to say no to such an extraordinary man.

“I’m sorry, Zeke,” she said quietly. “But there’s someone I’m still getting over and I don’t think I’m ready…”

His hand found hers and squeezed gently, cutting her off. “That’s alright,” he said with a genuine smile on his face. “I have all the time in the world. I can wait.”

Despite all her efforts not to, Raven smiled back.

 

* * *

 

The first few days in Berlin went terribly.

Bellamy had been giving Clarke the cold shoulder ever since they landed. As soon as they had been given their hotel room keys, he disappeared and continued sulking until the first appearance they had to make.

The first day wasn’t that bad since they had to do a photoshoot and solo interviews for a German magazine and none of that involved them talking to each other.

But when they had to do a panel where the entire cast would be taking questions together, it all went south. They sat as far away from each other as possible. When there was a question directed to both of them, their answers were short and crude. Even though they plastered fake smiles on their faces, it was very hard for both of them to pretend like there wasn’t unresolved issues between them.

And it was clearly visible since Diyoza, the executive producer of ‘The Heart and The Head’, asked to speak to Bellamy and Clarke in private as soon as they returned to the hotel that night.

Diyoza was a very determined woman with a strong personality. She was an amazing showrunner who always knew what she wanted and didn’t want to leave the set until every scene was mastered to perfection. Without her, the show wouldn’t be half as successful as it was.

When Clarke first met her, she found her very intimidating. As the shooting went on and as she got to know her, she’d grown very fond of her. But when she saw her standing in that hotel hallway with an unreadable expression on her face, Clarke remembered why she first thought of her as intimidating. She was standing there with her hands placed on her hips and her lips clasped tightly together. Clarke’s first thought was that she was very angry, which proved accurate as soon as she spoke.

“What the fuck is wrong with you two?” She hissed at them as soon as they got close enough so nobody else could hear her except for the two leading actors.

Both Bellamy and Clarke opened their mouths to say something, but she cut them off.

“I’m guessing none of you bothered to check the internet because if you did, you’d both be drowning me in apologies right now.”

Clarke fought the urge to roll her eyes at Diyoza’s confidence, even though she had no idea what the other woman was talking about.

When Bellamy failed to respond as well, Diyoza pulled her phone out of her pocket, unlocked it and found what she was looking for in a few swift movements.

She turned the screen to them and it showed a screenshot of an article from an American website. The headline said ‘Beef between the Head and the Heart?’ and there was a picture of none other than Bellamy and Clarke sitting way too far apart from each other at the panel. 

Diyoza swiped left to reveal another screenshot of the same article. Underneath the headline it said: “If you’re a true fan of a popular TV show ‘The Head and the Heart’, you’re probably familiar with the fact that the cast is currently in Europe promoting the new season of the show and hanging out with fans. Today, the cast attended a panel in Berlin and it’s safe to say that there is something fishy going on between the two lead stars, Bellamy Blake and Clarke Griffin. The pair wasn’t particularly friendly in Berlin today. They acted hostile and way colder than usual towards each other.”

That was all Clarke had the chance to read before Diyoza swiped again to show another article, also with the picture of the two of them.

‘Trouble in paradise?’ The second article said. “Fans of the show are worried this might affect Clarke and Bellamy’s performance in the show which is currently at the peak of its popularity.” 

Diyoza showed them photos of two more articles which were in German, but they got the gist of it.

When their boss lowered her phone, the expression on her face was even more deadly. Clarke felt like Diyoza’s gaze might burn a hole in her skull.

“I don’t know what the fuck is going on between you two,” she pointed at the empty space separating the two actors who were standing in front of her like a couple of 8 year-olds being scolded.

“But you better pull your heads out of your asses and deal with it. Soon.”

They were both staring at her, dumbfounded. It was an unusual scene, the two people who usually have a lot to say now too intimidated to even speak.

“You are professionals. Or at least that’s what your supposed to be,” she spat at them. “You are getting paid to cooperate with each other and your other colleagues. If you don’t pull yourselves together by the next interview, I’m sending you both home and you’re not getting a penny of the sum that was promised to you.”

With that, she turned on her heel and left without even giving them a chance to say a word to defend themselves.

 

* * *

 

Clarke had just gotten out of the shower when she heard a knock on the door. It took her a while to cross her spacious hotel room and reach the door. She was wearing nothing but a bathrobe and drops of water were dripping from her hair as she tried her best to dry it quickly with a towel.

“Who is it?” She asked.

At first, there was no answer and she thought the person might had given up and left since she took some time to get out of the bathroom.

But then she heard a familiar voice from the hallway.

“It’s me.”

Although his voice was a little muffled, she could hear uncertainty and defeat in his voice, as if he was still debating with himself whether it was a good idea to come.

She was wondering the same thing. She knew her and Bellamy were going to have to talk eventually, especially after the terrifying speech Diyoza gave them earlier that night. But Clarke wasn’t sure she was ready to talk to him just yet. He did something she was sure he’d never had the nerve to do, calling her out like that on the plane. And it made her feel a lot of things, but most of all anger directed to herself.

She knew she had to decide what, or who, she really wanted, but she wasn’t ready to face that decision yet. She was doing her best to push that kind thoughts in the far back of her head and facing Bellamy would mean having to bring back those thoughts.

Her hand hovered over the doorknob hesitantly for a few moments before she finally opened it, taking a deep breath while doing so.

He stood in front of her with a stupid expression on his face, looking genuinely surprised that she actually decided to open the door. There was something soft in his eyes as he took her in.

He was wearing plain gray T-shirt, dark sweatpants and flipflops. His hair was even more ruffled than usual, like he got out of bed to come knock on her door.

They stared at each other for a moment before Bellamy pulled finally pulled himself together and walked into the room. When he turned around to face Clarke again, all the softness was gone and he became all rough-edged again.

“Your spoiled ass almost got me in trouble again,” he spat, pointing a finger at her.

She crossed her arms over her chest and vulnerable and confused Clarke from before was immediately replaced with the defensive one.

She couldn’t help but let out a groan. “Oh, I’m getting major flashbacks from this. There you are again, calling me out on something that isn’t even my fault!”

“And there you are again, Princess,” he made sure to say her nickname like it was an insult, “acting like nothing is ever your fault and like the whole world revolves around you!”

He stepped forward, only a few inches away from her face, which only made her angrier.

“Excuse me? How can you blame any of this on me after the way you’ve acted on the plane?”

“The way I acted?? All I did was tell the truth when you meddled in something that was none of your business.”

“Bellamy, you asked me for advice on Octavia. I only tried to help you and you clearly didn’t understand what I was trying to do.”

He opened his mouth to protest further, but she cut him off, trying her best to sound calmer and more reasonable. “You do know that we can’t keep acting like this. We either have to let go of this stupid fight or at least pretend we made up. We need to cooperate if we want to stay on this tour.”

Another flashback appeared in Clarke’s head. She remembered their little meeting at Jonty’s a long time ago, when they still despised each other and needed to reconcile in order for their movie to succeed. So much had changed since then and yet some things seemed to remain the same.

“But I still think we need to talk about…”

Bellamy raised his palm up to stop her from finishing her sentence.

“Can we just skip the talking? I…” He stepped forward, placing his hands on her shoulders and bending down to press his forehead against hers.

 “I don’t want to talk right now,” he whispered, sending shivers through her entire body.

She nodded, placing her hands on his cheeks, breathing him in. The gesture was way too intimate to be appropriate for what the two of them were supposed to be, but Clarke didn’t care. His presence felt natural and comforting and she didn’t even think about moving away, especially after spending the last few days away from his warmth.

She closed the distance between them to reach his lips. They kissed softly and slowly at first, but then Bellamy deepened the kiss as his hands found her waist. He untied her bathrobe and spread it open, nudging her towards the bed.

She gladly complied, locking her arms behind his neck and moving backwards until her knees hit the bed and she fell down, Bellamy following on top of her.

Clarke reached for the waistband of his pants, wanting to feel more of him and wanting it fast. She pressed her hand against his chest and switched positions with him, pinning him down to bed, making him grin in amusement.        She pulled his sweatpants down, almost laughing at the gleam in his eyes when he realized what she was about to do.

When she took his length into her mouth, Bellamy made a primal sound that made her insides swirl with desire. She licked and sucked while he stroked her hair and when he felt he was about to burst, he stopped her, reaching for her with his long arms.

Clarke stared at his flushed face as she pulled herself up and positioned herself on top of him. She was already soaking wet when he brushed himself against her, but when he slipped inside of her, she couldn’t help but let out a loud, satisfied groan. It was a good thing the walls of the hotel room were so thick.

She didn’t break eye contact as she started moving against him, feeling an already familiar sense of bliss that overwhelmed her every time she was with Bellamy. He propped himself up as they moved together so that he could move his face closer to hers. He cradled her and kissed her fiercely like his life depended on it and Clarke couldn’t help but wonder how she survived these past few days without his welcoming presence. Bellamy reached climax a few moments before her, pressing his forehead against her sweaty shoulder and murmuring sweet nothings against her skin. She buried her fingers in his hair and didn’t want to let go even after they both came. She felt like she could never get enough of the feeling of his hot skin against hers.

When she plopped down on the bed next to him, she felt like something was different. The brown in his eyes was somehow warmer and the look he was giving her was gentler than usual.

He looked sleepy, as was she and even though Clarke knew she should tell him to go back to his room (she did give him a lecture about the ‘arrangement’ and not sleeping together fairly recently, after all), she couldn’t bring herself to do it.

Instead she lifted her hand and ran it along his cheek, a gesture so intimate and soft that it made her shiver. He closed his eyes and kissed her palm as he drifted off to sleep.

“Oh I’m screwed,” Clarke whispered to herself, a sense of guilt and immense happiness mixing inside of her.

“Mmm, so am I,” she thought she heard him say, but it might’ve been just her imagination. She fell asleep before she could ask him about it.


	10. Don't You See What I Can Bring

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't be strangers, feel free to leave me a comment :)

“Okay I know I was the one who was taking you out, but damn I loved that you decided to give me a tour instead! I freaking love this city. Will definitely be visiting again,” Shaw exclaimed as he walked next to Raven through the streets of Amsterdam. They had been wandering around the entire afternoon and Raven took him to a lot of interesting places. He didn’t fully believe her when she claimed to have visited Amsterdam five times already, but he was definitely convinced after their little tour.

After spending three whole days doing events and interviews in Amsterdam, they finally managed to catch some free time. It was their last night in The Netherlands and they were set to leave for London tomorrow afternoon. Raven and Shaw were now walking alongside the Amstel river as the sun slowly began to set. It would all be incredibly romantic had Raven not said a few days earlier that she wished to remain friends. For now. Which made Shaw kind of disappointed at first, but after hanging out with her quite a bit for the past few days, he decided she was definitely worth the wait.

Raven laughed, bumping her shoulder against his. “I knew you’d like it! It just has that sort of vibe that I knew would match your personality.”

“Oh yeah? And what sort of vibe is that?” He asked, intrigued.

Raven shrugged, shyly shoving her hands in the pockets of her jeans. “I don’t know… Chill, calming, welcoming, beautiful,” she emphasized the last word and glanced at him. He smiled at her, urging her to go on. “But this city also gets really interesting and wild. You’ll see that when we go out tonight.”

She earned herself a chuckle from Zeke. “You think I’m wild?” He asked, amusement coating his voice.

“I think you definitely could be.”

“Well I guess we’ll see that tonight as well,” he smirked, trying to be mysterious but failing.

“Can’t wait,” Raven grinned, stepping closer to him and linking her arm through his.

“Listen, Raven… I know we’ve already discussed this on the plane, but I need you to hear this one more time.”

A frown appeared on her beautiful face as she probably ran all the possible scenarios of what he might say in her head.

“You know how I feel about you because I made that very clear. But I don’t want you to feel pressured. I really like being your friend. You’re amazing. And if you don’t ever want to be anything more than friends, that’s fine. Hanging out with you in whatever way is an epitome of a great time for me.”

He saw her blushing before she even said anything. He couldn’t help but smile at how adorable she looked.

She stopped walking and faced him, placing a hand on his shoulder. “I don’t feel pressured at all. I genuinely enjoy spending time with you. And you being all adorable and understanding makes me like you even more.” 

She leaned forward and pecked him on the cheek.

“But don’t get any ideas in that pretty little head of yours! You’re going to have to wait a bit more for this piece of ass,” she pointed a finger at him and started walking, wiggling her ass in front of him.

He threw his head back, laughing. He got to know Raven enough to know that it was her own silly way of saying that she needed some more time. Which he was totally okay with.

“What are you waiting for, Christmas?” She turned around, standing a few feet in front of him.

Zeke laughed one more time before hurrying to catch up with her.

 

* * *

 

That night, the entire crew agreed on going out together. They picked out an elite nightclub in which they would be able to party freely without too bringing too much attention to themselves. Clarke was standing at the bar, ordering drinks for her and Harper when she noticed Bellamy approaching. He was wearing a white shirt which clung to his body like second skin. His hair was ruffled and his forehead gleaming with sweat. As he walked towards her, all she could think about was how she wanted to eat him. But she obviously couldn’t do that since they were in public.

“Having fun, Princess?” He propped his elbow against the bar and faced her, giving her that piercing stare that he knew would drive her crazy.

“Of course I am,” she nodded, taking a sip of her drink. “We’re in fucking Amsterdam.”

Bellamy set aside his drink and stepped closer to her. He leaned forward and asked “Wanna dance?”

Clarke felt shivers going down her spine as his lips touched her ear. She didn’t respond at first, but when she composed herself she pushed him back.

“Sure,” she said. “But no funny business,” she pointed a finger at him. “Or I’ll cut your junk off.”

She heard Bellamy chuckle behind her as he followed her to the dancefloor. “No, you won’t. You like my junk too much.”

Clarke snorted in front of him, but didn’t disagree.

When they reached the dancefloor, she turned around to face Bellamy and casually placed her hands on his shoulders, maintaining a safe distance. They started to move together in sync with the music. When she saw how easy it was for Bellamy to follow her lead, she couldn’t help but smile. She knew he had moves because she’d already seen him dance before, but it was always nice to be reminded.

“Check out those two!” Bellamy exclaimed, cocking his head to the left. Clarke followed his glance to find Raven wrapped around Shaw, grinning with her face inches away from his.

Clarke couldn’t help but smile at the sight. She never really thought about it, but they did make a very cute couple.

She got so carried away by the music that she didn’t immediately notice Bellamy’s body getting closer and closer to hers. With every inch of her being, she wanted to close the gap and press against him. But she managed to find a thread of common sense inside of her and snap out of it.

“Bellamy, don’t,” she said softly, but loud enough for him to hear.

She thought she saw a flash of something dark and sad on his face, but it was gone as fast as it appeared and replaced with a cocky smile.

“Don’t worry, Princess. I know the rules. I won’t get too close.”

Even though his voice sounded relaxed and chill, Clarke wasn’t convinced. Something about the way he said it made her feel cold all of a sudden. She felt a lump forming in the back of her throat and a need to get out as soon as possible overpowered her suddenly.

She pulled away from Bellamy, leaving him standing there dumbfounded, with his arms outstretched in front of him.

“I’m sorry, I need to get some air,” she mumbled, her eyes searching for the nearest exit.

Her vision was blurred as she finally stepped out on what appeared to be some sort of balcony. She took a few deep breaths, taking in the fresh nightly air. She lifted her hand to rub her eyes. When she touched her face, she realized it was wet with tears.

 

* * *

 

The next night, Bellamy was reading a book, sprawled on his bed when he heard a knock on the door of his hotel room. He frowned, reaching for his phone to check the time. It was almost midnight. He got up, abandoning his book on the bed, curios to see who was looking for him. 

He opened the door to find Clarke standing on the other side of it. She was wearing what appeared to be pajamas – an oversized shirt and shorts.

“Good. You’re awake,” she breathed, stepping into the room without his invitation.

He groaned, his hand still holding the door open. “Look, I’m really not in the mood…”

“I’m not here for that,” she held her hand up to get him to stop talking.

Another frown appeared on Bellamy’s face as he got even more confused. He hadn’t really seen Clarke since she ran away from him the night before in Amsterdam. He’d only caught a glimpse of her when they were boarding the plane for London and that was pretty much it, making it pretty obvious for him that she was avoiding him.

He shut the door gently and turned around to face her, crossing his arms over his chest to listen to what she had to say.

She looked a bit lost and confused. She was fiddling with the hem of her T-shirt as her eyes darted all over the room until finally landing on him.

“I was bored and couldn’t sleep. I wondered if I could hang out here for a while, just until you go to sleep.”

Bellamy’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Yeah, uh, sure,” he stuttered. “But I’m in the middle of a really good book and would prefer not to be interrupted,” he joked to test her out, but she didn’t seem to realize he was teasing.

“That’s okay,” Clarke shrugged. “I don’t mind just sitting next to you and chilling.”

Bellamy didn’t say anything. Instead he watched her as she climbed up on the bed and threw the covers over her bare legs, peering at the cover of his book with interest.

He managed to hide an amused smirk as he sat on the bed next to her, taking the book in his hands. He had no real intention of reading it anymore, all he wanted was to see how long Clarke would manage to stay silent and not say all the things that were clearly on her mind.

He leaned back, letting his head sink into the pillow and pretended to read, like his head wasn’t swarming with questions that he wanted to ask her.

From the corner of his eyes, he noticed Clarke reaching for a pen and a small sketching pad on the nightstand. She started doodling, biting her lip and furrowing her brows as she focused on the paper in front of her.

They sat in comfortable silence, each of them doing their own thing. After a while, Bellamy’s eyes went back to Clarke, but this time he didn’t bother to look away.

“I never saw any of your paintings,” he blurted out, making her stop drawing and look at him.

She eyed him suspiciously, probably confused with the randomness of his statement. He felt urged to explain himself.

“You mentioned before that you like to paint and that you even have your own little studio, but you never showed me any of your works.”

Clarke tilted her head, a small smile playing on her lips. “I didn’t know you wanted to see it.”

“What, I don’t seem like someone who would appreciate art?” He teased, making her chuckle.

“No, it’s just…” she shrugged, setting the pen and paper aside and pulling her knees to her chin. “I don’t really show my paintings to people. Mostly because I’m not particularly happy with a lot of them, but also because some of them are really private, you know? I don’t know if I’m ready to share those with the world.”

“What, like naked self-portraits? Because that wouldn’t be something that I haven’t seen before, you know,” Bellamy grinned.

She snorted, shaking her head at the lack of his ability to remain serious even when she was trying  to be.

He watched her with interest as she reached inside of her shorts to retrieve her phone. She unlocked it and scrolled for a few seconds before handing it to him.

“I sometimes take photos of my paintings,” she explained.  “I tend to throw them away in fits of anger and then regret it later. So I like to keep them this way just in case.”

Bellamy started swiping through pictures with interest. His face didn’t give away much, causing Clarke to start biting her nails nervously.

He stopped to show her the painting of Octavia which Clarke made shortly after she met the girl. Bellamy seemed both amused and surprised to see it. The painting was black and white and Octavia was portrayed as a fierce warrior, with paint streaks across her cheeks.

“Octavia made a pretty strong impression on me when I first met her. She quit the job she hated, decided to pursue her own career, with some help from you, and I just loved that. And after what you told me about your childhood, I just couldn’t help but imagine her as this strong, badass warrior who can take anything that comes her way. So I painted her.”

He smiled at her explanation and nodded in agreement.

“These are really good, Clarke,” he said, not a hint of fakeness in his voice. He sounded genuinely impressed. “Have you ever thought about selling them?”

“Not really,” she shrugged. “Those that I do like I sometimes give to people as gifts, but I haven’t ever considered selling them because I didn’t think anyone would like them.”

He rolled his eyes, but remained silent. Clarke watched him as he continued to swipe, but then he suddenly stopped on one painting and examined it for a long time.

She was getting really impatient and was about to ask him about it when he finally spoke.

“I’d buy this one,” he simply said, turning the screen towards her so she could see what painting he was talking about.

Clarke felt herself tearing up, not even knowing why.

It was the most emotional painting she ever made, the abstract one with dark and angry colors. She painted it when her mother and Lexa pissed her off, before she went to Bellamy for comfort. She hated the painting at the time because she felt too exposed and vulnerable standing in front of it. And now Bellamy was saying that he liked the painting and she realized she didn’t mind being exposed and vulnerable in front of him.

It made her want to scream and cry and smile at the same time.

She did none of those things.

“Why?” She managed to ask, her voice cracking.

Bellamy shrugged, his attention still on the painting.

“It’s real,” he simply said. “It’s filled with so many emotions. Dark emotions, but beautiful. I don’t often get to see that side of you. That’s why I’d buy this.”

Clarke stared at him, all choked up, barely noticing when he handed her the phone back. She sunk deeper into the pillow behind her and when Bellamy realized she wasn’t going to say anything, he returned to his book.

She lied there in silence for a while, gathering her thoughts and thinking about her life choices. As she turned to her side and looked at Bellamy, she felt confused, but sure of one thing.

“I need to leave Lexa. For good,” she blurted out without even thinking of what she was going to say first. 

Bellamy stopped reading and stared straight in front of him for what seemed like hours. Then finally, he turned to look at her and said two simple words.

“I agree.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this chapter probably before season 6 aired but the softness at the end somehow has the season 6 bellarke vibe, don't you agree? Ugh I miss my gentle babies


	11. I Needed You To Stay But I Let You Drift Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is anyone still interested in this except for me? lol   
> Yes I know I'm trash and I suck at updating but I'm doing my best!  
> This chapter is very dear to me so I hope you guys will like it too. Let me know!

After he came back from Europe, it took Bellamy two days to finally get enough sleep and recover from jet lag. The only two people he talked to in those two days were Octavia and Kane and he only called each of them to let them know he landed safely. It was a good thing he was on a break from filming the show because the last thing he wanted was to go back to work.

When he finally got up from his bed, it was already late Saturday afternoon. He slowly made his way downstairs to make himself some coffee. As he stared blankly at the coffee machine doing its thing, his mind started wandering to one of his last nights in Amsterdam when Clarke came to his room and confused him about his feelings for her even more, although he didn’t even think that was possible.

He did have feelings for her and there was no point anymore in trying to deny it. He started falling for her before they went to Europe and the trip just intensified all that even more. And when Clarke finally said out loud that she was going to leave Lexa, he thought he might burst.

When his coffee was done, Bellamy reached for his phone, deciding to text Clarke to see what she was up to. He would never admit that to her, but he missed her after spending just two days apart from her.

He got distracted by some notifications from Instagram and when he opened his feed, he saw it was filled with paparazzi pictures of Clarke sitting across from Lexa in front of some restaurant. The two of them apparently shared lunch that day and in all of the pictures, Lexa was all smiley and lovey-dovey towards the other girl.

“Fuck!” Bellamy exclaimed, chucking his phone to the other side of the kitchen counter, almost smashing it to pieces.

He exhaled, running his hand through his already messy hair. He felt as stupid as humanly possible.

After sitting at the counter with his head between his hands for what seemed like an eternity, he finally got up and dialed Murphy’s number. He felt incredibly angry, not only at Clarke for lying to him, but also at him for letting himself get so attached. He would not make the same mistake again, that was for sure.

“Blake!” A familiar voice greeted him after only two rings. “Where the hell have you been, asshole? You were supposed to be back two days ago and I haven’t heard from you at all.”

“I’m back,” Bellamy said. “Let’s go out tonight. I want to get hammered.”

 

When he woke up the next morning, his head was pounding. He hadn’t drunk as much as he did the previous night in a long time. As he blinked in attempts to open his eyes without being blinded by sunlight, he remembered why that was.

Bellamy looked at his left side, fighting the throbbing pain in his head. There was an unfamiliar head sleeping soundly on the pillow next to him.

He suppressed a groan of frustration, trying to recall the events of the previous night. He vaguely remembered drinking with Murphy in some nightclub and being approached by the very same tall, hot brunette that was lying in his bed. She was a dancer and had an unusual name which he couldn’t remember at that moment. And apparently, he had brought her home, but it was all in a blur.

When he looked at his phone to check the time, he saw multiple texts from Clarke asking where he was and wanting to talk. He ignored all of them and buried his head back into the pillow, wanting to fall back asleep and stay like that forever.

* * *

Bellamy parked in front of the restaurant and took a few deep breaths before getting out of the car. Trying to ignore the sinking feeling in his stomach, he went inside and quickly examined the room to try to spot his family.

When he noticed his sister sitting by the table in the right corner, he felt even worse. They hadn’t talked since the fight they had about Lincoln and Octavia was giving him the nastiest glare ever. But when he saw Marcus sitting next to her and waving at him, he decided he would push his argument with Octavia aside and act civil in front of their stepfather.

Even though Bellamy knew Kane wasn’t bearing good news, he still was a sight for sore eyes. After the fiasco with Octavia and then with Princess Griffin, he was in desperate need of seeing a friendly face.

For Marcus’ sake, Bellamy plastered a smile on his face and went to hug him. But when the older man squeezed a little harder than normal, he thought he might burst into tears.

Kane insisted that they order first, making small talk as they all pretended to be eating, but barely touched their food. Octavia talked about her new career as a designer and Bellamy talked about his Europe trip while their minds were actually set on one thing. Their mother.

After the waitress left with their plates, Kane let out a sigh and finally started to talk.

“I assume you are both aware that I’m here because I want to talk to you about your mother’s condition.”

Both Bellamy and Octavia shifted in their seats, their faces turning gravely serious.

“Before I tell you anything, I want you to know that nothing has changed regarding my feelings towards you two. I love you both more than anything in the world and I will always consider you my children and be there for you.”

“We know that,” Octavia squeezed his hand, already starting to tear up.

He opened his mouth, but only a shaky breath came out. Octavia squeezed one more time to show him her support.

“Your mother isn’t well. I’m afraid her condition has gotten worse,” Kane cleared his throat, trying to stop his voice from cracking. “For the past month or so, she’s been in this almost catatonic state and she hasn’t been responding to anyone. The doctors…”

His eyes went from Octavia to Bellamy, filling with tears. “The doctors don’t think she has much time left.”

Both of Bellamy’s fists were clenched on the table so hard that his nails were digging into his skin, but he barely noticed.

“How much?” He asked quietly.

“They say it could be months,” Kane shrugged, letting out a defeated sigh. “But more likely weeks.”

Bellamy banged his right hand against the table so loudly that he attracted the entire restaurant’s attention. Both Octavia and Kane flinched, watching him with caution.

“And you’re only telling us this now?!” He started yelling at his stepfather, not being able to control himself. “You’ve known that our mother was dying for months and you’ve been keeping it from us like it’s no big deal!”

“Bellamy, it wouldn’t have changed anything…” Kane started, despair and pity written all over his face.

“But it would! We could’ve helped her, we could’ve done something!” The younger man was still agitated, but the fire in his voice was slowly simmering down as he started to face the ugly truth.

“No, we couldn’t have,” Octavia voiced quietly what all of them were thinking. She stood up and took a seat next to her brother, reaching for his hand.

“Bellamy, we’ve known for years that this day would come,” she said to him, her face wet with tears. “She’s been sick for a very long time. She hasn’t been able to recognize any of us for a year now.”

“So what? I’m supposed to accept it just like that? Are you two really just going to sit on your asses and wait for her to die?”

That seemed to have triggered Kane, making him lose the patience he had for the younger man until then.

“That’s not fair and you know it. You’re not the only person at this table that loves Aurora. And you are well aware that we all did anything in our power to help her. But this – this goes beyond us.”

Octavia nodded in agreement as Bellamy rubbed his face so hard that it turned red. He turned to his sister, almost frantic.

“We have to… We have to leave with Kane the first thing tomorrow morning. We have to go see her,” he said, reaching for Octavia’s shoulders.

“You have that award show this weekend, remember?” She reminded him.

“Fuck that shit!” He pulled away from her, frustrated that she would even think about such trivial things at such a time.  “I don’t care about any of that. I want to see my mother.”

“You will,” Kane interrupted. “But a few days won’t make a difference. Your mother wouldn’t want you to drop your life because of her.  Go to that award show and then we will go home on Sunday morning, okay?”

It took some more convincing from both Kane and Octavia, but Bellamy reluctantly agreed.

* * *

Clarke posed on the red carpet with Wells Jaha by her side, hoping the sweat forming on her forehead won’t be visible in the pictures. She felt as nervous as ever, waiting for the moment when she could finally get away from the paparazzi and their judging glares and lingering questions about Lexa and why she wasn’t with her.

Even though Wells’ presence was very comforting and Clarke was immensely grateful to him for agreeing to accompany her to Wonkru award show, she couldn’t shake away the feeling of dread creeping up her spine.

This was her first public appearance without Lexa and like that wasn’t stressful enough, she hadn’t heard from Bellamy in weeks. She had no idea why he was giving her the cold shoulder and she felt miserable. And when she remembered that she would be seeing him for the first time since they got back from Europe, she started sweating even more.

She leaned against Wells and whispered to him that it was finally time to leave the red carpet. When they entered a hall in which the awards would be taking place, Clarke’s eyes immediately went searching for Octavia.

She spotted her sitting at the table reserved for the cast and crew of ‘The Heart and The Head’. Lincoln was sitting next to her all dressed up, both of them looking amazing and like a true power couple.

Octavia stared at Lincoln with so much love that Clarke felt a sharp pang of jealousy, but she shook it away immediately.

When she noticed Clarke, Octavia stood up with joy and gave her a big, tight hug.

“Oh my god, Clarke, you look like a million dollars!” The brunette beamed. “That dress is tight on you in all the right places.”

The other girl blushed, looking down at the red gown that Octavia made for her. It was a gorgeous long dress with no sleeves and it made Clarke feel like a princess.

“Oh gee, thank you, I wonder who made it that well! Just so you know, I mentioned how absolutely exquisite your work is to everybody who asked me where I got the dress.”

Now it was Octavia’s turn to blush. “I am so grateful for all that you’ve done for me, Clarke. You are a true friend.”

The girls hugged one more time and then turned their attention to Lincoln and Wells who were already in a deep discussion about something.

“I guess they don’t need us to introduce them to one another,” Octavia shrugged, gesturing for Clarke to sit down next to her.

“Bellamy’s not here yet?” The blonde asked, attempting for the question to sound as casual as possible.

“No, but he should be here any minute now,” the brunette responded. Then she leaned a bit closer to Clarke. “No offense to Wells, but I honestly thought you guys would be arriving together.”

Clarke almost choked on her wine. “Why would you think that?”

“I don’t know. You’re co-stars and friends…” Octavia said, putting a bit of an emphasis on the last word.

“Well, your brother hasn’t spoke to me in weeks so…”

Octavia seemed shocked and when she asked why, Clarke only shrugged and kept glancing around the room nervously.

It wasn’t long until Bellamy appeared in the entrance, with a tall, dark-haired girl on his arm. They approached the table, Bellamy greeting everyone, but refusing to make eye contact with Clarke.

He introduced the brunette as Echo, a model and a back-up dancer for some singer whose name she didn’t even hear. All she could hear in that moment was ringing in her ears as rage overpowered her.

‘The Heart and The Head’ was nominated for the best TV show, Clarke was nominated for the best TV actress and Bellamy for the best actor. The show didn’t win, but the two of them won their individual awards. That meant they didn’t have to go to the stage together, which Clarke was thankful for because she wasn’t sure how she would have handled the situation.

She watched Echo climb over Bellamy the entire night, giggling and talking like a stupid teenager which, truthfully, she wasn’t far from.

Clarke hoped she would last the entire night without making a scene, but when Bellamy went to the bathroom at the afterparty, she excused herself from the group and went after him. It seemed like a good idea in her mind which was already clouded with alcohol at that point.

She stood in front of the bathroom waiting for him and when he opened the door, she punched him in the shoulder.

“What the fuck, Bellamy?” 

He looked down to see Clarke standing there, her eyes piercing through him and her arms crossed over her chest in a frustrated manner.

“Why haven’t you answered any of my texts or calls?”

He shrugged casually, making her even more agitated.

“I didn’t have anything to say to you.”

She threw her hands up in the air, thinking she might burst. “How can you do this? We were fine when we were in Europe and then all of a sudden you completely shut me out and appear with this brainless floosy on your arm!”

Bellamy flinched a little, finally showing at least some form of emotion.

“What makes you think you can dictate who I bring as my date? Who are you to think you have any say in my love life?”

He was getting angry, making Clarke ready to fight him even more. She stepped forward, ignoring the people who were walking past them and giving them weird looks.

“I thought we were finally making some progress,” she said quietly. “I thought we were friends and that you actually cared about me.”

“Doesn’t being friends imply being honest with each other and keeping our promises?” 

It was now Clarke’s turn to flinch. She stared at the bitter expression on his face, feeling like she wanted to crawl into a hole and hide forever.

She opened her mouth, but no words came out.

Bellamy nodded, letting out a bitter laugh. “Oh, now you have nothing to say. That is so very convenient. You still haven’t answered my question. Why does the fact that I brought Echo bother you so much?”

He was now almost in her face, his voice cold and his eyes accusing. Clarke remained silent, lowering her head.

“Say it, Clarke,” he said, gritting his teeth.

“You can’t, huh? You’re still a damn coward who thinks only about herself! Every damn moment of your life, you’re calculating your moves, making sure you don’t get hurt. You’re not brave enough to make bold life choices! You can’t even break off your clearly toxic relationship, for god’s sake!”

“But I did! I broke it off!” Clarke yelled in a louder manner than she intended.

“Oh yeah?” He turned away from her, running his hand through his hair. “Then why are your cute little photos all over the internet?”

Oh. Clarke blinked. _Oh_ that’s why he was so angry and ignored her for so long. It was because of those stupid photos of her and Lexa from right when she got back from Europe.

“That was a PR stunt! Her manager called me and said she needed me to appear with Lexa in public one last time because her popularity was staggering right before her new movie was about to come out! We posed for pictures a little bit, but I made sure to tell her before that it was over between us.”

“Oh, that’s bullshit! You’ve been saying the same thing for months, making excuses when all you really are is a lying little chicken.”

His voice was dripping with malice and Clarke felt her eyes starting to burn. Biting her lip, she thought how crying would be the worst possible thing she could do in that moment.

“Why?” Clarke let out, her voice shaking. “Why are you being so unreasonable? I’m trying to explain myself to you and you keep attacking me! Why?”

“Because I fell in love with you and you kept acting like I’m just your play toy!”

Bellamy stepped back when he realized he had said more than he intended to. Clarke was at a loss of words yet again, not being able to do anything but blink at him.

“There. Is that what you wanted to hear? Are you happy now?” He said bitterly and stormed away, leaving a rush of cold air behind him.

Clarke felt tears forming at the back of her throat yet again. This time, she let them fall.


	12. Your Heart's A Bird Without The Wings To Fly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> an emotional chapter with some soft bellarke, hope you'll like it :)

_Bellamy Blake loves her._

Or loved.

There was no way she could tell how he felt after lashing out at her like that at Wonkru awards.

Clarke dipped the paintbrush in the dark red color and smeared it across the canvas once more.

The strokes she was making were short and thick, leaving layers of dark paint everywhere. It was another abstract painting. Apparently, that was her thing when she was feeling especially emotional.

She couldn’t put a finger on what she was feeling at that moment. It was definitely some form of anger, but she didn’t even know who it was directed to.

She was angry at Bellamy for being unreasonable, for catching her off guard and not even giving her the chance to defend herself.

She was angry at Lexa for stringing her along, for letting their relationship hit the bottom while constantly reassuring Clarke it was going to be okay.

But most of all, she was angry at herself for being a pushover, for letting people to decide her fate instead of her. She was angry for being too scared to show vulnerability for once. By doing all of that, she had probably pushed away someone who turned out to be one of the most important people in her life.

Blowing out a breath of frustration, she wiped her hand across her sweaty forehead. She was mildly aware of the leftover paint on her arm which was now smudged all over her face, but she didn’t care about it.

‘There was nothing left to do.’ That is what she thought when she looked at the painting she had made.

That’s what she thought when she dared to think about Bellamy.

Deciding that she was done painting, Clarke reached for her phone to check the time. It was almost midnight and she had been painting for hours without even realizing it.

When she noticed seven missed calls from her manager, panic overtook her. Roan would never call her as much if it wasn’t some sort of an emergency. Had it not been for the loud emo music blasting from the speakers the entire night, she would have heard him calling her.

Turning down the obnoxious music, she quickly dialed Roan’s number, hoping he was still awake.

“Fucking finally, Griffin,” he picked up after a few rings, his voice dripping with irritation. “I’ve been trying to get ahold of you the entire day.”

“I’m sorry, Roan,” Clarke said, trying to come up with an excuse on the spot. Telling him that she slept through most of the day, angry-painted for the rest of it with half a bottle of wine as her only meal, was not an option to consider. Not to mention she had her notifications turned off to avoid seeing potential articles about her and Bellamy’s strained relationship.

“I’ve been really busy and didn’t hear my phone…”

Thankfully, Roan cut her off before she got the chance to embarrass herself.

“I don’t care,” he said. “I need you to come to my office as early in the morning as possible. I’m leaving town tomorrow afternoon and you need to sign your contract for season four so I can send it back.”

Clarke inhaled sharply. She completely forgot about that. Even though they hadn’t yet started filming season three of ‘The Heart and The Head’, the show was picked up for another season. And that wouldn’t be announced to the public until all of the stars signed their contracts.

“Yeah, of course. I’ll be there at 8 am sharp,” she said apologetically.

“Good. I’ll see you tomorrow,” the manager replied, still a bit annoyed, but also relieved that his client didn’t leave him hanging.

But Clarke wasn’t done talking to him. “Roan, wait.”

“Have you heard from Raven recently?”

“Yeah, sure,” he said, sounding confused. “Why?”

“Well, I was wondering…” Clarke stuttered, fiddling with the hem of her shirt as she started pacing nervously around the room. “Did Bellamy sign?”

“Of course he did. The only person who has yet to sign is you.”

She ignored the accusing tone of his voice, letting out a breath of relief she didn’t even realize she was holding.

That seemed to soft Roan’s edges as he probably finally did the math in his head.

“Oh, Clarke,” he groaned. “Are you guys fighting again?”

“No,” she pouted. “He’s just decided he wouldn’t talk to me anymore.”

That earned her another groan from her manager.

“I know, I know,” she said. “You’re tired of hearing about it and telling us that we need to pull our shit together.”

“Yeah, exactly,” Roan stated, but he sounded less angry than Clarke had anticipated. “And I’m tired of seeing you miserable, whatever the reason may be. You don’t deserve to be miserable.”

Clarke’s heart warmed at his words. Whenever she might forget it, Roan was quick to remind her that he wasn’t only her manager, but also her close friend.

“Don’t worry, Clarke,” he started reassuring her when he noticed she wasn’t going to reply. “I’m sure that by the time you start filming again, you two will work things out.”

The blonde smiled bitterly, not nearly as convinced as he seemed to be.

“I hope so. Goodnight, Roan.”

* * *

Clarke spent the next few weeks trying to make herself as busy as possible. She went to numerous events, promoted a few charities and when she ran out of work, she went to visit her friend Niylah who lived in San Francisco.

But when she came back from her trip, she was done looking for distraction. She was going to find a way to reach Bellamy and make him talk to her, by force if necessary.

Deciding it was finally time to face the music, she called Octavia, hoping the girl would help her talk some sense into the said man.

Unlike her brother, Octavia actually answered the phone. Clarke hadn’t seen the other girl since the Wonkru awards and was really starting to miss her, just like the other member of the Blake family. So when she heard Octavia’s voice, a warm feeling overwhelmed her.

“Hey girl! It’s so good to hear your voice!” Clarke exclaimed cheerfully.

“Yeah, you too,” Octavia responded blandly, not sounding nearly as excited as Clarke.

A feeling of satisfaction was immediately replaced by dread as Clarke’s mind started to work faster. Did Bellamy get to Octavia and told her how she hurt his feelings? Was she angry of Clarke as much as her brother was? She was anxious to get an answer.

“I haven’t heard from you in a while. Nor your brother, for that matter. I mean, I know Bellamy’s angry, but he hadn’t returned any of my texts and I’m getting kind of tired of it,” she admitted more than she initially intended to.

“Bellamy’s still angry at you?”

Octavia seemed genuinely surprised, which could only mean that her brother didn’t talk to her about his newest argument with the blonde.

“Yeah, I thought he might’ve talked to you about it, but apparently not. I haven’t heard from him in weeks. Do you have any idea how I might reach him?”

Octavia let out a long, exhausted sigh. “So you didn’t hear.”

Clarke frowned, finally realizing there was something wrong. “Hear about what?”

There was a long pause on the other side of the line and Clarke started to think that the other girl wasn’t there anymore.

“Our mother died, Clarke,” she finally said, sounding defeated.

A feeling of utter shocked overwhelmed Clarke at first, followed by the feeling of her heart breaking because the two people who she held very dear had been experiencing such pain.

“Oh my god, Octavia… I’m so sorry, I had no idea,” she managed to let out, despite knowing that nothing she said could make the poor girl feel better.

“It’s fine, you couldn’t have known.”

“How are you holding up?” Clarke asked, regretting it immediately. “Sorry, I know that’s the stupidest question I could ask right now.”

Octavia let out a small, bitter chuckle. “Don’t worry about it. It’s been hard, but Lincoln’s been helping me a lot with dealing. I mean, she’d been sick for a very long time and we knew this was coming, but it’s still hard. She was my mother after all.”

“Yeah, of course. I’m very glad you have Lincoln beside you right now.”

“Me too,” Octavia’s voice softened at the mention of her boyfriend.

“What about Bellamy?” Clarke asked, dreading the answer. In the years she’d known him, Clarke had learned that his coping mechanisms weren’t exactly healthy.

The brunette let out another long breath full of frustration and sadness. “He’s in a very bad place. I’ve been checking up on him every day, but I can’t seem to get through to him and make him actually get out of the house.”

The thought of a grieving Bellamy made Clarke want to cry. As she felt the tears burning her eyes, she chose not to say anything to avoid making Octavia even sadder.

“Look, Clarke…” she started, “I know you two aren’t in a very good place right now and I know that I might be asking for too much, but…”

“I’ll go see him,” Clarke responded immediately. “I don’t guarantee he’ll want to see me, but I’ll do my best.”

The younger girl sounded very relieved. “Thank you so much. You have no idea how much this means to me.”

“There’s no need to thank me,” the blonde said, already searching for some clothes to change into to get to Bellamy as soon as possible. “I care about him a lot, too.”

Octavia was silent for a moment, but when she spoke again, it was with certainty. “I know.” 

* * *

 

Clarke felt her knees wobble as she waited for Bellamy to answer the door. She was surprised that he actually let her in through the front gates, considering the fact that he was supposed to be giving her a cold shoulder.

By the time she finished talking to Octavia and drove to his house, it got dark outside. She was grateful for the more peaceful tone of the city in the early evening, contrasting the raging storm inside of her body.

She didn’t realize how sweaty her palms were until the plastic bag she was holding almost slipped out of her hand. After what seemed like an eternity, the door opened.

Bellamy looked about as bad as Clarke had expected. He was wearing dirty sweatpants and an old T-shirt. His hair was disheveled, his usually shaven face covered in about a week-old stubble and underneath it, his lips wan.

Clarke could almost feel her heart shatter as she stared in his bloodshot eyes, bleary and robbed of their usual playful gleam. She didn’t even realize how much she loved the cheeky smirk that appeared on his face every time he would talk to her until she couldn’t see it anymore.

Neither of them said anything. Clarke expected him to get angry for her showing up just like that, but instead he gave her a pleading, tormented look.

“Oh, Bellamy,” she heard her own voice crack as she stepped inside, discarded the bag she brought on the floor and wrapped her arms around him as tightly as possible.

She found herself leaning against his shoulder and breathing in his scent which she had missed more than she thought she could. Even though it was a devastating moment, Clarke felt relief washing over her, like she could finally let out a breath she’d been holding for weeks.

Bellamy remained still for a moment, but then he wrapped his arms around the small of her waist, letting out a small sigh. His shaky breath on Clarke’s neck sent shivers down her spine. 

Clarke didn’t want to be the one to break the hug. Instead, she waited for him, wanting to provide as much comfort with the warmth of her body as she could.

“So I guess you’ve heard,” Bellamy’s voice vibrated through her body, a sound muffled by her shoulder on which he was resting his chin.

He pulled away, his arms lingering on Clarke’s sides, not quite wanting to let go.

She forced herself to look straight into his eyes, even though it was painful.

“Yeah,” she sighed. “I’m really sorry, Bellamy.”

She knew those words meant nothing to him in that moment, but she didn’t know what else to say. He responded just by giving her a small nod.

“I know I’m probably the last person you want to see right now…” She started, but was cut off by the man standing across her.

“No,” he simply said, his voice soft and his hand moving up from her waist to squeeze her shoulder. “It’s really good to see you.”

 Clarke felt relief washing over her and a smile creeping up her face.

“I brought you soup. You look like you could use it,” she said as he closed the door behind her and lead her to the living room.

He attempted a smile, but not very successfully. “I’m not really hungry right now, Princess.”

She winced at how gently he used her old nickname. She dared to glance at him one more time, feeling as though he might shatter if she said or did a single wrong thing. But then again, she wasn’t sure if tiptoeing around Bellamy Blake was the best idea.

“I know,” she placed the bag filled with food on a small table. “But you got to eat something. Look, it’s still warm.”

A flash of amusement appeared on his face as she started pull out plastic containers, but it was gone in a moment.

“You’re going to force me to eat, aren’t you?” He asked, plopping down on the couch behind her.

Clarke nodded vigorously, pulling out cutlery which she brought just in case Bellamy didn’t own a spoon and a fork. In other circumstances, she would find her way of thinking hilarious.

“Are you going to eat with me?”

His voice was so pleading that she simply had to turn around and look at him. The sight of him made her melt and all she wanted to do was hug him and hold him until he felt better.

Instead of a vocal response, she grabbed two spoons and a container with soup. Handing him one spoon, she sat next to him and urged him to take the first bite.

She examined him as he ate slowly and reluctantly. He almost gave up eating a few times, but decided otherwise when he dared to glance at Clarke and met her resolute stare.

He dropped his spoon when there was barely anything left in the container and the blonde seemed satisfied. She stood up to store the rest of the food she brought in the kitchen and by the time she returned, Bellamy had turned the TV on and had his feet propped up on the coffee table.

“Do you want to talk about it?” She asked when she reclaimed her seat next to him.

He shrugged, his expression unreadable. “What’s there to talk about?”

Bellamy got up and crossed the room to retrieve a bottle of whiskey and a glass from the liquor cabinet. He poured some of the liquid in the glass and handed it to Clarke and he kept the bottle for himself.

Clarke had a feeling he might not be done talking so she waited for him to go on. She was right.

He took a big gulp from the bottle before speaking. “My mom hadn’t ever been the most mentally stable person, but things escalated when I was seventeen and O was twelve. I was in school when Octavia found her on the bathroom floor in a pool of blood. She imagined there were ants crawling under the skin of her forearms and she tried to cut them out with a knife.”

Clarke stifled a gasp of horror, imagining young Bellamy and Octavia going through such a traumatizing experience. Her eyes watered at the thought of them being scarred at such a tender age.

She shifted in her seat on the couch, placing her legs under her and turning her upper body towards Bellamy, as to say _I_ _’_ _m here for you, I_ _’_ _m listening, I_ _’_ _m not going anywhere_.

“We tried therapy, but it wasn’t working and we had to admit her to a mental institution. She’d been there ever since,” his voice cracked, his hands so tight on the whiskey bottle that Clarke thought he might shatter it.

She reached for him with gentle and considerate movements, separating one of his hands from the bottle and taking it in her own hand. She gave him a soft, soothing squeeze, encouraging him to continue.

“If it hadn’t been for her boyfriend Kane, who became our unofficial stepfather over the years, both of us would’ve probably ended up on the street.”

“He took care of you?” Clarke asked, if only to try to distract him from horrible memories, hoping to shift his attention to the more pleasant ones.

A ghost of a smile flickered on Bellamy’s lips, meaning she was succeeding in her mission.

“Yeah. He took care of us when he didn’t really have the obligation to. He’d been with my mother for less than a year when she got sick. And from an objective point of view, he owed nothing to us. Yet he stuck around, got both of us through school and supported us through all of our ups and downs.”

The blonde couldn’t help but smile, thankful of this Kane person for being a flicker of light in an all-consuming darkness.

“He sounds lovely,” she stated, her thumb tracing the lines on Bellamy’s palms. The gesture was soft and gentle and he seemed appreciative of it.

“He is,” he confirmed. “I owe everything to him. Me and Octavia actually urged him to move here now that…” He swallowed and Clarke thought he might not go on, but he did. “Now that there’s nothing tying him to our hometown anymore.”

Clarke nodded, scooting over towards him so that her legs touched his. “That’s a great idea. I’d like to meet him someday.”

Bellamy’s eyebrows shot upwards as he looked at Clarke for the first time since he started sharing his story.

“What?” She shrugged. “I want to meet the person who made you and Octavia who you are today. I want to thank him,” she smiled, her fingers tapping against his shoulder absent-mindedly.

That seemed to cause even more confusion for Bellamy. “I thought you found who I am obnoxious and annoying.”

Clarke frowned at his words, but was relieved to hear a hint of playfulness in his voice. It was good to know that the old Bellamy was still somewhere inside, just a bit wounded. But she’d help him heal, a silent promise she made to herself.

“You know that’s not true.”

A soft grunt escaped his lips, but she knew she made him feel a bit better.

Her face turned gravely serious again as her hand on his shoulder steadied. “I’m really sorry that you have to go through this, Bellamy. But you will get through it.”

Her voice was unfaltering, her blue eyes crystal clear as she assured him.

Bellamy nodded, placing his hand over hers and squeezing.

When she smiled at him, Bellamy pulled a bit back to wrap his arm around her small frame. Pulling her to him, he murmured ‘Thank you’, very softly but loud enough for her to hear.

As Clarke leaned her head against his shoulder, she felt a rush of warmth overwhelming her, comforting her, when she was supposed to be the one comforting him. It was a mutual favor, she decided.

Listening to his steady heartbeat and his soft breaths, she let herself be lulled to sleep.


End file.
